Utter rubbish!

Write Back at You

2011-10-12T23:27:00.000-07:00

13th October, 2011

Life is so freaking fast, there is no time to look
Racing on top speed around the corner and nook
Moving on with the past, to see the present clearer
That’s when I see you in the rear view mirror

Who was left behind? You or me?
It all went flying by, I couldn’t see
As the dust settled down, and the spirit began to rise
I was pretty sure that we both paid the price

A far away memory of a nearer past
They were good times while they last
The vibrations of the strings in the sound of the chords
The inspiration that came to be known as SOLO records

Knowing how talented you are,
I feared you will waste it
I had cooked a few dreams for us all
But you were never there to taste it

Its good to know we found our ways
We aint the boys to sulk around in guilt
We could draw inspiration from those golden days
And someday smile at the saga that we each built

Our life has headed to two different metros
Yeah we shall rock it together, like in the retros
Its been too long we met, I remember you black and white
We both got what we want, that makes us both right!!

Superfect Life!

2011-09-16T07:06:00.001-07:00

June 15th, 2011

The title misleadingly pin points towards a gujarati bravado, though I shall humbly suggest otherwise. I am a maharashtrian, who just knows so much about it. A disgrace to an entire history where men on horses drawing swords bigger than themselves fought other men to bring glory to my clan. I am not part of history, may be that's an excuse I use for my lack of belonging. All of that for a prick like me who stands today and utterly refuses to acknowledge an entire chapter of deeds n misdeeds just to proudly say, I am a nobody.

Am a true representation of 21st century homo sapien, who fights with life for something he believes in at point A, and more strongly rejects it at A(nother) point. May be am just the evolved chimp, with a lesser volume of bodily hair but retained sense of hygiene. I don't run behind the past to get a sense of belonging, rather I spend most of my time feeling otherwise. A conflict that I witness commonly, where everyone is special and everybody longs to belong.
Am not the alpha male, and am honest.

I am a minimalist, when it comes to vocab, an exhibitionist when it comes to care, an extremist at love and a feminist when it comes to sexual orientation. Am strong at condemning, less tolerant with criticism, especially from those whom I condemn. Am indifferent to politics, work, my own stink, and quite rigid in-different ways. I am stuck up on my ideologies of moving on. Am experimental at romance and my creative work. It could be any place, any time. My right leg sleeps when I take a poop. It is sleeping as I write this symphony.

I am a believer of life in space and space in life. Old fashioned in the choice of whiskey glass, fashionable in a different era. Hate to belong, love to be-long. Straight in the bed, crooked in the head. I hate guys who behave like hopeless losers in love. I have behaved like a hopeless loser in love. I am promance, I promote reciprocation, protest infidelity and I promise nothing. I protect loved ones, I provide fuel to the fire, and I am the protagonist of only my own life. I am passionately biased, and critically unbiased. I believe fear is meant to be overcome, intention is outdone by the outcome. I believe achievement berates performance, award overshadows the effort. Praise creates doubt, compliments draw scrutiny. Credit and gratitude are overdue, if you remove perception, perspective is the residue.

I insist on duality in life and singularity in life partner. I demand attention and detest cyber-life. I believe love finds its own way, and relationships need to be shown the way. I believe it takes minimal effort to be happy and a magnanimous amount of unnecessary worries to be tensed and unhappy. I believe worries are unnecessary, love is necessary. I have realized that all you need to be happy is always around you and I refuse to look further to find it. I have a very few close friends, I am one of them. I choose completely satisfying a few over marginally dis-satisfying those who matter the most. I know for certain that best things in life are free, and I reject them if otherwise. Money needs to go to make way for happiness and fulfillment. I am responsible for my universe, I have done a great job creating and nurturing it. I am quite a jackass, my strong notions of right and wrong more than often hurt those whom I intend to protect. I propose one should shrug responsibility at times, but never forget to pick it up again. Nothing is worth regretting, everything can be forgotten. I value time in my own sense, and the best time is always now.

I don't care for everyone, and vice versa. I expect from whom I love, never so strongly that it turns back to bite me. I don't bother for vengeance, being happy is best form of it. Everything in my life is of my choice, good and bad. I constantly change, gradually improve and cynically judge. I am a passionate lover, I don't hate I discard, and am driven by impulses. I don't plan, I was not planned. I am selfish, self-obsessed and self-praising. Friendship is everything to me. My fortress of solitude and happy place is a warm tight hug.

This is what I am. Null in religion, an erring human, enthusiastically laid back, and totally "present" in this divine journey called life. And its Superfect!

Stranger in the Lies

2011-09-12T09:51:00.000-07:00

10th September, 2011

Have you ever looked into the mirror, and stared in the eye

Have you ever noticed yourself, when you lie?

Have you ever deceived yourself and made no amends

Have you ever received yourself on the receiving end, of the pain?

Have you ever felt stranger within?

Have you ever familiarized with the feeling?

Have you ever felt the burden of your judgmental stare?

Have you ever felt the void when your soul went away?

Have you ever felt ugly, in a beautiful moment?

Have you ever moist your eyes, in an untruthful comment?

Have you ever felt stranded, when you didn’t show up?

Have you ever felt grand, when you didn’t grow up?

Have you ever had a reason, when you didn’t respect?

Have you ever had a vision, which you didn’t suspect?

Have you ever felt repelled by your behavior?

Have you ever felt compelled to be the savior?

Have you ever stolen a grin, in the face of apathy?

Have you ever felt it a sin, in the grace of sympathy?

Have you ever sold the truth, to defend a lie?

Have you ever, in old age or youth, lived to die?

Leap of Fate

2011-06-10T01:32:00.000-07:00

8th June, 2011

Should I jump?
I stand on the edge
Life pulls down, death is holding back
It aint ready
Wind sweeps my courage
Wings of ambition I lack
The flight is not steady
Its a free fall, and am not alone
A deafening waterfall and am the rolling stone
I aint got no control, I drop
The fall won't hurt, as much as the stop
There's nothing to hold,
Its a voyage in the raging sea, uncontrolled
The only way up, is down, nowhere else to go
Its insomnia, my brain is full of worms
How do I hold back? So I jump

Should I fear?
Nobody in sight is dear
Am I reaching far? Will I drop near?
I desire no wings, I will die
I did not jump to fly
I jumped to explore
Something in mind did explode
Life keeps dragging, away from the shore
A blessing in disguise is a curse
Until you realize, you disperse
Life is so bland, year after year
Light aint bright, vision aint clear
Beauty I fear, it haunts
Duty is devoid of wants
The dark outside, or the wrath within
The demon inside me says fear nothing
He has taken control of the brain
Its always clouded, but never rain
A state of perpetual suspension
An emotion devoid of sensation
Recycled life, but still a dump
I don't hold back, I jump

Should I care?
Like living your life in the third person
An excuse which lacks a reason
Like we are dead for the most of it
And live life only in a season
As clear as a blind man's vision
As unholy as a best bud's treason
Its like having promises to keep
The jump, is more of a leap
On the surface it glitters in the sun
In reality much deeper it runs
Let go.
Else how will it grow?
It is beyond words, beyond worlds
Its has many windows, but no doors
Adrenaline is the reaction
To an equal and opposite force
As the wind smashes my chin
I see sights I have never seen
Darkness prevails, light is a memory
Death is the truth, life is a felony
There's movement without distance
A glimpse without an instance
The confusion has begun to suffocate
I surrender, take the leap of fate.

Fourplay - Creative Renditions Gallery

2011-01-20T01:39:00.000-08:00

1. Adrion Menezes - Professional Anchor

The client is a professional anchor. The initials of his name have been used to depict a microphone, an integral part of his profession. The sound waves add liveliness to the design, and show dynamism. The wire of the microphone connects the A of the logo to the Z in the name, a deliberate attempt to show the client handles A-Z services in anchoring.

2. Bright Cars

The client runs an automobile franchisee. The logo depicts the word 'cars' denoted as a real car while the headlight makes the word 'bright'.

3. Desiguru

The client is a social networking / shop-online website. The logo depicts the letters D & G as forming a link, to depict the social networking part. They also add up to make the symbol of infinity, representing the unlimited options that the client provides. The tagline gives out the the same meaning.

4. Touchstone / e Touchstone

The client is into event management, corporate gifting and a lot of varied services. The logo is depicted using a pebble (for the 'stone' in the name) and a T is carved into it. The four pieces thus formed symbolize the varied services that the client provides (one stop shop)

5. Fortune Foundation

The client is a NGO. The swastika is used to depict good fortune and social welfare as intended by the services of the client. Also, the swastika comprises of "F"s to represent Fortune Foundation

6. Innovaid

The client is a NGO. The design depicts I and A in an artistic form, forming a circle, showing a wholistic approach to social welfare.

7. Hangman Buddies

The client develops apps / games for mobile phones. This is a game for iPhone, the logo depicts the name "Hangman" to represent that "man" is "hanged".

8. JWR Logistics

The client is into logistics. The logo is made using "boxes" as to depict the containers used in shipment of goods. The logo is an ambigram and reads JWR even when rotated 180 degrees.

8. Kampol

The client is a steel manufacturing plant. The logo depicts the steel making process, from raw material (molten) on the left, to steel (on the right). The circular pattern is used to depict a constant on-going process.

10. Khoj

The client is a recruitment portal. The logo depicts an engraved K, and symbolizes that the firm will source talent from "everywhere".

11. RedRibbon

The client is into corporate gifting. The logo uses the two R's from the name, to form a ribbon as in a gift wrap. The tagline reads "packaged happiness".

12. SP Arts Jewelery

The client is into imitation jewelery. The logo uses S & P to depict an artistic piece of jewelery.

13. Thirty Two

The client runs a dental clinic. Hence the name. The logo depicts two teeth, their roots end in the numbers 3 & 2 respectively. The angels represent the fantasy character "tooth fairy".

14. Unify

The client is into facility management. It covers a lot of services and wanted something that would depict "one-stop-shop". Hence several lines converging at one point forming the U of the logo.

15. Xponence

The client is into exports. The logo and the tagline are inter-related. The logo shows X as exponential, as X raised to the power of X, where the base x = "ideas" and the power x = "infinite".

New Year 2011!

2011-01-03T23:03:00.000-08:00

1st Jan, 2011

Ladies & Gentlemen, Flight 2011 has taken off

No clue where it is taking us, or where we will get off

Its gonna be a long journey, ETA 365 days

You are aboard the latest flight of JetLife Airways

We have no safety instructions, just a sign saying "fly at your own risk"

We gaurantee you no money back, so please, no cheats or tricks

Attendants may serve you, thug you, ignore you

They might entertain you or bug you, bore you

As we embark on this journey, you will realize

We are all frequent flyers here, so be wise

Or be dumb, just be yourself, we don't care

You may have stories from previous years, please, don't share

What has gone, is forgotten, erased from our memories

Make the most of now, we aint here for centuries

I make no promises, cause I don't keep them,

Won't let go any bad habits, cause I intend to keep them

Year end parties are the same, new songs, old dance

Passengers next to you might change, but keep the old romance

I might vary, at times I will remain constant

I will not carry forward any past nonsense

Collect as many likes you can, gather as many comments

But don't forget to live your life, in real living moments

Identify people in this flight, whom you intend to fly with further

Ignore those who you feel like, nobody's gonna cry murder

Remember that heart will hurt, and mind will mend

Enjoy the new stories, but give the old ones a dignified end

Weather might get rough, you may experience turbulence

Hold your strength, and please keep patience

Enjoy yourselves, do things that make you happy, spread cheers

When you miss someone badly, dont hold back, shed tears

Take time off your work, then take time off your leisure

Take out time for people you treasure

Wish you success, joy & peace

And a sincere hope we reach in one piece

Amidst all fanfare, joy and cheers!

We shall land again, for the next new years!!!

Buried Alive

2010-07-28T13:15:00.000-07:00

My long due testimonial to the great Micheal Jackson. Never thought I got the right words for it. Eventually, whatever I got, from the bottom of my heart, to you MJ. RIP.

Buried Alive

29^th Aug, 2009

Humans are bound by limitations. A human mind draws lines, of the possible and the impossible. And we limit ourselves to the possible. The impossible is held sacred, feared and sometimes dreaded. However, sometimes, the impossible is admired and adored, by people all over. Witnessing the impossible is treated as magic. It makes people cry, it touches them so deep, because somewhere it conflicts with their age old strong belief of “this can’t be done”. And some are true masters of striking that chord in the people all over, again, and again, and again.

Some create a parallel universe, a secluded abode that rests somewhere between the earth and the sky. They are introverts, shy people in real life, who belong to the stage. The moment they walk out on the stage and see a storm of fans surging through excitement and anticipation, with all the eyes of the world on them, they just transform into an unstoppable icon of talent and mastery – they become magicians on stage. The intensity just resonates from their electrifying personality into each and every person in the audience. A billion set of eyes are glued to the television sets as well, jaws wide open, heart skipping beats, mind trying to comprehend what it just cannot believe. Such people are indeed, a phenomenon.

However, the higher they rise, the harder they have to fall. It is true about every star that hangs there, high in the universe, bedazzling us. For some, the fall is questionable. For some, their fame, their popularity, their way of life, is questionable. But, there are some, for whom, no matter what, the talent remains unquestionable. Even if they did what everyone says they did, or may be didn’t. Even if they were what everyone thinks they were, or they weren’t. The fact of the matter is, they were simply awesome. And they did so much of good in their will, they fought so many battles alone and shone like a star, they stood for so many causes, and yet were termed demented, they were respected and loved the world over, but were also termed a freak. Such stars are not many. In fact, such stars are not “they” but just “him”.

The strangest of things happened. They say that he is dead. I couldn’t believe it. I rushed inside and looked. And I realized. The Man in the Mirror will never die. He will live forever.

He was brilliant. He tried to heal the world in his own way. He left a mark on each one of us, by constantly creating new magic and making us realize, that it can be done. And as the lesser mortals hound him even as he lays in his shrine, for things no longer relevant, for stories which are mere stories now, and for truth and lies that cannot be distinguished anymore, I believe that he had so much more to give, and he deserved so much more back when he was alive, that he is indeed, buried alive. He was a showman, and he was an illusionist, a greatest of his times. However, his disappearing act, must have stunned Houdini himself.

Long live Michael.

Heal the world, make it a better place,

For you and for me and the entire human race.

There are people dying, if you care enough for the living,

Make a better place for you and for me.

Damn IT..

2010-07-28T13:10:00.001-07:00

This was one of my last shots at IT (IT industry), before I resigned in another 6 months. Thought I will post it anyways, I definitely meant everything I had written. So, why not. Here we go.

Damn IT

4^th June, 2009

A group of young aspirants elate with joy, as one of them makes it through. All grievances, all troubles, all the “this should change” things to this time are forgotten in the moment, and their minds and eyes open to a new horizon & an unseen dimension. The wretchedness that the job was so far, the humiliation that the work bestowed upon them & the sheer downs of frustration are suddenly dissolved into what can be best described as the toxic waste of emotions that has accumulated and been forced upon, over time, so as to deviate them from what is real, and thrive them into the virtual. But the goal is accomplished. The journey is set. We adieu bon voyage, and quietly return to our seats, yes, the very own tokens of our suffering so far, and hence, further, till project do us apart.

The plot is very simple and yet, equally sinister too. The inducted people spend at least 6 months on the ugly bench, the lucky ones ending up spending at least a couple of years there. Even on bench, they are subjected to “equal” treatment as the other billable resources. These people end up prolonging their suffering by having to spend more time with no work and no access to recreation facilities till after office hours with the added privilege of being lay-off worthy all the time. This goes on for a while, till when you unlearn everything you ever managed to grasp and your basic intelligence & day-to-day living quality deteriorates. Close to around finishing 18 to 20 months in the organization, when you are almost buried in your frustration, you get allocated to a project. I guess the CRM (?) is top notch, and it sets a buzzer somewhere in the headquarters of as soon as someone finishes the minimum allocated bench time. As new doors of opportunities open up, you find yourself debating, “I have waited so far, I at least have a project. May be now I will go onsite immediately” and thus begins a new round of suffering. The real point of debate is, I have spent 18 months and done nothing, what do I put on my resume now if I have to switch? My only question is, is it this difficult to put employees on project? Other than the obvious “salary” factor, isn’t project the ONE & ONLY primary offering that an employer company makes to the employee? If not a project, then what? It is not a huge retail mall you have walked into, where you might buy this or that, or you end up watching a movie or something else, or just take a stroll, and come out saying that was a day well spent. No. This is an IT company, and the only thing it has to offer its employees is a project. And that is the only thing I don’t see them doing. And it is not an irony; it’s a simple phenomenon of stuffing your plate with so much that you cannot possibly eat. Without eating it, you cannot preserve it for a long time too. So you just have to throw it away. So they, just throw us away.

The company has managed to create an all-tried-n-tested CMMi level 5 process of making dummies out of the best-educated people that are available in the market. Everything is into place, and for years, young ambitious minds and dreamy eyes have fallen for the optical illusion of success and money that this company is. Its only when you cross the threshold, which is again very much like walking into an entirely new universe of shapeless buildings, unprofessional seniors with unnecessary mighty egos & a security staff that is exploited beyond par, that you realize the dirt and the filth that stenches its lush campuses and the breath taking sceneries. The architecture, the stone pathways, the trees and grasses of different shades, to the unusual ovals for buildings and wave like mammoth structures for hospitality, everything is controlled. So are the employees. Everything on that campus is symbolic to the power & control that the organization exercises on everything that’s there on it, walking or stationary. The entire atmosphere is of hopelessness, and you give in knowing there is nothing that can be changed, and the fact that you are so easily replaceable, it’s like growing another hair. How do we create a niche here? There is nothing on the plate which can be looked at differently. The company is aggressive and running at immense pace, or so it seems. It is not innovating. It is not bothered by the recession, or so it says. The truth is, this company is a very plush asylum, for the mentally-disabled and sad as it is, I am one of them. But I must not be a rare species, in here, with my only motivation to be here this long is to get a monthly pay-check and take care of my liabilities. The initial thoughts of taking money for doing “nothing” have subsided as over the last 12 months, I realized that here, work never happens.

As true as it gets

2010-03-02T06:11:00.000-08:00

I joined Infosys as a fresher. Now, leaving this company after almost 2 years, I am still as fresh as I can get. In fact even more, since I have even unlearned what I ever learned in my life.

Life can be hard, but Infosys has always taken care to ease it for us. No life, no trouble.

9.15 Hours every day in office, add the fact that the campuses are so far from the real cities & real people, that going there every day in itself feels like you are going “onsite”.

I understand, why Infosys is disappointed with most of the employees (like me). Because they are mobile. They move, they walk away. Infosys loves everything that stays put and never changes.

Computers, the trees & buildings, policies, to name a few.

I always felt like I am some superhero, you know, Infoscian by the day, Human by the night.

That reminds me, Infoscians are like (atleast meant to be like) some genetically evolved alien species (like in Avatar).

But we managed to disappoint the management here as well, by turning out to be normal human beings with human “needs” & emotions.

The CRR ratings in Infosys are a standing testimony, to the phrase “Tongue is mightier than the sword” (it’s the pen, I am using some poetic liberty).

I worked alright, but forgot to use my tongue.

I feel so foolish, I never realized that iRace is the new & improved “racist” technology developed completely in house. And I expected it to be “just” (&) “fair”. My bad!

Infosys takes a lot of things pretty literally. I told them I am creative. I formatted around 1963 pages, 3,345, 367,233 words, 787 diagrams & 1414 tables in MS Word. Similar number of slides in Powerpoint.

Well the (power) point here is, no functional consultant gets such enriching experience, that indeed formats one’s whole career so beautifully.

The reward & penalty clause here is pretty simplified. For reward, it follows the holy Bhagavad Gita, “Karma kar, fal ki apeksha mat kar”.

For penalty, they follow D- Company “Hamare dhande mein galti maaf karna, usse bhi badi galti maani jati hain”.

Infosys is very traditionally Indian, and closely follows the cultural heritage. So, just like we reserve the “new dinner sets” & the best “carpets” for the guests that might visit us someday, all good things in Infy are reserved for the clients. So when we walk the never ending steep roads here, we often see “clients” in those “golf carts” staring at us with the same expression one looks at ants on an ant hill.

I recommend Infosys more than Dr. Bhatra’s for hair problem. Trust me, you work here, hair problem, won’t be a problem.

People always say, “It is difficult to get noticed among 1,00,000 people”. There is a sure shot (tried & tested way) to get noticed. Put down your (don’t be nasty now) papers!!!

People will come and congratulate you, you feel nothing less than a noble prize winner (it is a noble thing to do after all). A celebrity.

Guess that is why they call that period “the notice period”.

2^nd to only some of the deepest parts of Amazon jungle, the hostel on Infy campus is untouched / unoccupied / undiscovered by humans.

Every month in my pay slip, I have this component called “salary recovery”, the Infy term for extortion.

As I walk out today, I am indeed Powered by my intelligence (it prevailed against the need & greed to earn money)

And I am definitely driven by my values, top speed out of the gate (values of self respect, dignity & freedom)

It's not you, Its me

2010-03-02T06:06:00.000-08:00

Dear Company,

You left me no choice but to do this on mail. “We need to talk”.

We have been going around for almost 2 years now, but we still haven’t made that connect, we haven’t build that trust amongst each other.

A relationship can only be sustained on the grounds of mutual respect & admiration.

You insisted & demanded all of my time. I cannot give you 9.15 hours every day, I need my time, my space.

You are beautiful, but I realize that you use that beauty to please only the outsiders. That beauty is out of bounds for me.

Even when I spend the whole week with you, you demand my time on weekends. It is always your way or the highway!

Well, I am taking the highway!

You made so much promises, but I am still your “just a friend”. I have given up on being more than “just a friend”.

All my hope washes away, and I feel insulted, when you compare me with people I don’t even know or related to, to decide who deserves to get more from you!

I can do the same to you, and I will, and as I compare you with others like you outside, even I see better counterparts.

I believe it is the best for us, that we move on then, and find new people in life.

Please don’t go on a rebound. You will just end up with thousands more that you cannot please. As a counter-effect, they won’t please you.

I appreciate your ambitions, and aspirations, and wish you all the very best.

I have not been an ideal partner myself, but then even I realize, that I am just one too many.

I know we had an understanding, but I feel too restricted & long for freedom.

So, it’s not me, it’s you.

Regards,

Lokesh

X-Employee

PFA (Please Find Attached)

2009-12-30T06:33:00.001-08:00

30^th December, 2009

A few days back, I was wondering on various subjects to write for my next blog. I happened to be driving, then, and inevitably in the rat race to reach anywhere and everywhere before anyone and everyone else. I was observing, how you try to overtake someone, who is driving rather leisurely, and suddenly he springs up to race you. What happens there? The otherwise carefree slow lane driver, suddenly pumps up on being approached for the fear of being overtaken? I had read somewhere about space intrusion and territorial instincts among all living organisms including humans (highest order of insecurity). But somewhere it sensed to be other than these natural instincts. On pressing more on this issue, I suddenly realized that we are an evolved species from the normal human race. We are in competition with fellow humans, the whole life. In the rut of this never-ending race, I figured, the bond has gone missing. The common force, that we all belong to, has disintegrated into so many smaller sub forces. So of course the attraction, the affection is sub standard now. The attachment, is no where to be found.

I firmly believe that if you desire something by heart, the whole universe conspires for you to achieve it. It’s just that sometimes we achieve it, sometimes we don’t. When the above thought of diminishing attachment came to my mind, it instantly appealed to me. We are so miserable. However, I couldn’t pen it down, and more or less, it slipped somewhere to the back of my mind. There had been a prolonged delay in me witnessing the James Cameron’s visual treat to the world, but last night, I finally caught the fever. These guys are brilliant. For 3 hours, I could to a very realistic amount, feel my presence on the moon Pandora. The look and feel, of a whole unexplored planet, with subtle yet strong variation to our own homely earth gave me goose bumps. As the ride uncovered, I witnessed once again, the ugly face of human greed, and how we exploit anything and everything for personal gains, totally defying emotion. And the film just whacked those thoughts back to the top of my mind. The universe at play, people.

In Avatar, humans having exhausted all that mother earth could possibly offer, had reached a moon called Pandora, to rob it off a very valuable element Unobtanium. (The name is classic, unobtanium, the one that cannot be obtained). The Navi people (humanoids, genetically superior to the humans) that inhabit this body of land are connected to everything around them through a neural network. Trees, animals, fellow Navi people, everything. They are content with all that they have, and are in complete harmony with the nature. They respect and pray to their Goddess Mother Ewya. Somewhere, I felt like I was witnessing the pre-historic human. The human that is dead today, in these highly evolved genetic species that thrive and survive on earth. The human that was part of this nature, was one with everything around. A human that cared for fellow humans. I know most of us suffer at the hands of attachment, or rather for not being able to be detached. But the attachment that I am talking about is more on a global level. Disintegrating the common source that created and bound us together, and empowered us, we were successful at creating so many sub-types (caste, religion, creed) from our single human race. And like I said before, a sub-anything is just sub-standard. It has some but not all the goods of the super type, humanity.

The more we distance ourselves from this bond that binds us all into this one force, the lesser human we become. With humanity at stake, we are busy creating Avatars out of a single force, and then we fight on which Avatar is better. We better realize, coz sooner or later, someone up there has got to pull off the plug.

Please find attached, Humanity.god

Beetle, topless

2009-12-29T06:49:00.000-08:00

28^th December, 2009

A couple of days are what the year has left to offer. The feeling is sensational. It’s like sitting on a couch, openly into the raging Niagara, facing downstream, the fall approaching rapidly. Suddenly I realize I have the best seat, front row middle. And I stand by and witness yet another set of 364 days just rushing down the sudden steep fall. What I will see beyond, is all together a new beginning, something I refuse to speculate on, right now. But behind me, I speed ahead of a lot of things that are deafeningly loud. One of them is a distinct scream of the Volkswagen Beetle, yelling from the top of the continent, the echo resonating right to the southern most tip of the subcontinent. With Beetle, Volkswagen’s saying “Honey, I am home!” It is loud & clear.

I was driving down the packed streets of Bandra suburb in Bombay. Every hour here is a peak hour. The narrow streets with shops flaunting both sides provide solace to the shopaholic, and the spender of all levels. Amidst all the peep-peep and abuses and continuous chatter, you couldn’t feel more alive. I was running late, and so was quite absent to all this activity around me. As the carnival-like ambience surged on, I saw people checking out prospective buys, a few calling out at each other, kids running joyfully and drivers completely taken in by the huge tidal wave of the traffic. Not a single soul was involved in anything a few meters beyond himself. Nobody had the time, as many prepared for the incoming festive season, and few others rushed through their chores.

And suddenly, she was there. Eye catching, like a big loud scratch on the body of a Rolls Royce, she moved gracefully and proudly through the crowd. She paraded, and commanded attention from every pair of eyes that floated at different heights in the surrounding. She looked sexy. To top that, she was topless. What a spectacle! Every head turned. Every person stopped once, whatever the hell he or she was doing, and stared. It was one of the best marketing gimmicks I have seen for a long time. And a very good one, for the record. Everybody was reached out, amidst their busy life, shaken from their maddening mist and made to appreciate the presence. For those few precious moments, everyone on that busy street thought about her. The Volkswagen Beetle had arrived. And she had made a queenly red carpet entry, and taken everyone by storm. Guess, stripping always works!

Volkswagen is marketing itself rather aggressively now, in India. Their presence on hoardings, just the large size logo budging out from the board, and a small Beetle toy replica traversing and tracing the ‘V’ & the ‘W’ repeatedly, is a loud announcement of their full stretched entry in the Indian market. They are currently catering to all possible segments in the market, Jetta & Passat in the executive sedan category, Toureg in the SUV category and Beetle in the elite premium small car category. The Beetle had always been the marketing case study for decades, and I think they have done it again. The ugly bug is like the beautiful Cinderella now.

Marketing concepts are becoming interesting by the passing minute, as all aggression and desire to stay ahead in the game is transforming into total creativity. The 3-idiots marketing team have shown tremendous and yet down to earth simple and far stretched marketing strategies. From putting “Capacity: 3 Idiots” on almost every auto-rickshaw in Bombay to printing T-shirts with the line “I am the 4^th Idiot”, to everyone stating “All izz well” they are blazing hot fire. There is no doubt left here that all is absolutely going well for them. The whole game has elevated to interesting heights, and it’s the curious entertainment seeker in me, that just can’t wait to see the climax of this block buster. But, everybody’s putting on a great show, and I will surely like to ride through, especially when it is just the beginning, and the end is nowhere soon.

Keep the Change

2009-10-16T04:42:00.000-07:00

16th Oct, 2009

The chaos of the full-till-the brim café is almost deafening. But amidst all this, they sit, lost somewhere in a distant past, wondering how they reached this place in life. The eyes held deceit, as if they were fooled to believe that this was another person they loved. They couldn’t identify that person anymore. What changed? A lot, it seems. Nothing is like it used to be. At the same time, another voice in the mind says, that why doesn’t he change again, for good? Why doesn’t he become the person that once he was, the person that I once loved?

Nothing is permanent, but change. On one hand, we are ready to believe that the person we love, changes after a period of time. The person changes rather easily, or rather as a rule. And at the same time, we swear by the fact, that a person, who changed so easily overtime, won’t budge and become, once again what you believed him to be, once upon a time. So, if the change is possible once, what makes us doubt the possibility of a reverse change again? Why do we just give up? Is it that we are just looking for an excuse, to take the first exit and walk out? I have strong intuitions to believe that it is. We give up. We have once been through the cycle; we don’t like what we see, so we want to bail. That’s how it works. I always find it funny, when “You have changed”, and “Why don’t you change this about you” always go together. We leave the person with no practical room, do we?

That is why I advocate a “don’t enforce change” policy. A person is bound to change, so are you. When you force someone to change, you are asking a person to be unnatural. Unless you are asking him to change in terms of “Give up crime” or something like that, changing someone is unnecessary. It is rather an unpleasant experiment that more than always yields unfavorable results. And the irony is, if the experiment is successful, then what? You cannot freeze the person at that. That’s it, this is exactly I wanted you to be, now don’t change. That is impractical. Nobody can “Keep the change”. Because, change is permanent; it is a continuous process. And it is true. So if anything, focus on loving your love, the way it is. And follow it along the way. The only change we need is that one in us, where we unconditionally love someone, and mean it. Loving or admiring a person, throughout its never-ending and rather continuous metamorphosis, is an experience of a lifetime. It makes you a better person. However, you always have the right to kick someone out, who doesn’t fit well in your definitions anymore. That is fine. Expecting someone to change, and then keep the change, that is not.

It sure feels different, but it sure ain’t strange

The rule is written, what’s permanent is change.

Curtain Calls

2009-09-21T07:31:00.000-07:00

September 21, 2009

I had an argument, and there I was, sitting alone in the living room. A lot of thoughts were crossing my mind, a scene like a crowded mall on a Saturday evening. I was partially introspecting, partially holding the other party responsible for the unpleasant turn of events. But I knew this ain't the first time this is happening. Definitely not the last, settlement isn't reached when either of the party storms out of the discussion. All the yelling, the pin-pointing, the naming names and throwing incidents in each other's face, we were both battered soldiers from a war. And how truly so, a war going on for ages, with neither side winning, rather both losing it. I sat lowly in the chair, by the open window, and watched. Watched slowly as the evening darkened further into the night, as the lights started glowing till the horizon, and as a chilly wind blew on the broken walls of morals, fallen pillars of self respect, and countless shattered pieces of a love that refuses to die.

And with the wind, I saw the curtain moving in various forms. Reciprocating flowingly to the subtle romance that the breeze offered. It caught my attention, as if it intended to. And as I looked on, I realized how much I felt alienated from my surroundings. Whoever said, fight or flight, I personally feel, it is fight & flight. When things don't go your way, when you don't achieve your goal after numerous fights on the same issue, you just want to run away. And hide. You want to leave that "you" which is part of these fights. You know, you are responsible. You just won't admit it. In the process, you make the innocent mistake into a hideous crime. And then you flee. I imagined, a world behind that flowing curtain. A place, secluded from this not so perfect, always crowded world. A personal space. It felt like a kid, to just run and hide myself behind the curtain, and rejoice in a world that my mind wanted me to believe, existed. A world where I was not a jerk, where I didn't make silly mistakes and then harbored ego, enough to destroy my love, and my real, imperfect world.

So I did. I went and stood behind the curtain. It somehow felt like a complete change of view. It was like looking at the same scene from a different side. I thought what has changed here, at the back of the curtain, that I am willing to look at the issue from the other way round? Why am I now willing to accept my mistake, and come out a changed person? And silly as it may sound, it occurred to me, that we are used to change behind close curtains. Aren't we? Just as the literal "changing" in public is rather incomprehensible, we cannot change our personality when the world is watching. We cannot accept defeat, admit we are wrong face-to-face. We do that on the phone, a message, or a quick visit to the adjacent room. We need that split second span of time, to change. To remove the mask of ego, of anger, and wear the one of compassion and innocence, and we all know, that without our masks, just us, are ugly beings. Who cannot even face ourselves. So every time I want to change, I know, that the curtain calls.

The whole life is a fall,

When we stop, is when we die.

The Godfather

2009-06-30T08:47:00.000-07:00

Revenge is a dish that tastes the best, when served cold....My tribute, Godfather

The grapes ain’t sour, the grapes just ain’t ours

2009-06-30T08:44:00.000-07:00

29^th June, 2009

It’s an old time story. But I think it is good enough for kids, exclusively. Because, after facing so many sour grapes, I can say this with definite confidence, that many a time in life, the grapes ain’t as much sour, as much as they ain’t ours. And what is not ours cannot be taken. If we live by this rule (not exclusively, like nothing in life can be) I don’t think we can ever be “stuck” under the disguise of perseverance. And we will also avoid adultery.

I believe in reciprocation. It is not give and take, it is not barter nor is it tit for tat. Reciprocation, where you can give without expecting anything in return, and still, you end up getting a lot yourself. The more you give, the more you get. I believe if you tickle someone, that person should laugh. That’s reciprocation. It’s a two way system, which doesn’t need inputs necessarily from both the parties, but still you know that two people are playing the game. I hit the ball across the net; somebody has to hit the ball back to me, ideally. Now if the other player is not bothered to hit the ball back, then that doesn’t imply that the ball is a sour grape now, does it?

If I tickle someone he should laugh: it is debatable, say the person doesn’t want to laugh. But you will know that. And you will know if there is reciprocation or no. Coz it can be felt and it definitely cannot be faked. It cannot be shown, it cannot be hidden. That’s what makes it unadulterated. And it is the best way to say you care, best way to mean it.

The whole point of debate here is, you cannot just keep jumping for the grapes. If the grapes have any intention of being with us, they will come to us, a little atleast. Not half way, not completely, but a slight movement somewhere, in our direction and not away, to show us that it wants to be with us. that is why I insist, that reciprocation is felt wihtout the other person doing much at all. You know when it is there. I say, jump for the grapes who are willing to be yours. For others, jump once, jump twice, that's enough and nice. We have a lot of grapes, and a very short span of life.

A series of Unfortunate events

2009-05-18T08:12:00.000-07:00

18^th May, 2009

Machines / appliances / inanimate objects that won’t work bloody piss me off. I just can’t tolerate the fact, that here I am, spending time and effort to make a machine work (which is not working properly). Aren’t machines designed to ease our efforts? Then what’s the point. And off late, I think all the machines are targeting me, like how dogs would team up against someone who hails stones at them every day. At this moment of time, my job!, my car, my desktop computer, bulbs in my house, taps, the latch on the door, my cell phone charger are not working. They simply aren’t. Now, it is too much of a coincidence that all of these not working at once. Imagine my frustration, I am almost balding. But if you ask me, it’s really a matter of replacing old parts with new ones, a little usual maintenance & repair and that’s it, it will be all fixed. I am just too lazy.

However, among these series of unfortunate incidents, I realized something very shocking about myself. I always believe, that being the prime beings on this planet, the whole universe always works in sync with us. I will see the world, as I make it to be. Especially the environment I live in – my home. I make my home what it is. So I asked myself, that what is my house trying to tell me here (I do go overboard), with all these things going wrong at once? And I saw the pattern. All the things that were bugging me are just not doing what they are meant to do / be. They aren’t fulfilling their purpose. The tap won’t shut, the door won’t lock, and the tires puncture too often, desktop crashes every week, and I have no work at my “work” place. And I see all these things are pointing to me, coz they are mere my reflection. I realized that what bugs me is these stupid inanimate machines are showing me my own reality, my own reflection. They are telling me that how today I stand a failure (not literally, figuratively) at so many things / roles in my own life - things that are expected of me and other things, which are my duties and responsibilities. I have neglected so many, and thus must be driving others mad with frustration, just like these machines are driving me crazy. And I am human. I must fulfill my duties & responsibilities to be mad at others who don’t. I must fulfill them for the happiness & comfort of my dear ones. And I have been blatantly ignoring all and having a ball.

Lesson learnt. But I am still the same. Along with all the above things (that I still haven’t repaired) I continue status quo (haven’t repaired my-‘self’ yet). However, strange person that I am, one thing out of all this makes me happy - that I am putting life around me, in the things that I use, and in the house that I stay. It’s a nice feeling to know, that I have created my own universe, and I can proudly announce, that yes, it also has a “Quality Check” which works round the clock, to make sure that the best of me walks out of that house every day, day by day. I have got the system in place, but I will still like to call it WIP. I see hope and I like not being hopeless.

Moral: I like to believe that this is how it is. Coz that makes me at least think about being a better person (not that I am worst, Continuous Improvement is what I am talking about). This is how I condition my mind, and try to make best of things that happen around me. There are so many situations, when something goes wrong and we find somebody else to blame. Yes, there are indeed some occasions when you have somebody else to blame. But if you think about it, you are the root of everything that happens in your life. I am not saying take the blame on yourself, no. I am saying take the onus on you. So when anything happens in my life, happy or sad, I just focus on self. I ask myself, that have I done everything that I could? Am I missing out somewhere? Because I have happily realized long time back, the only thing that I can change in this universe is MYSELF. Once I do that, I change my universe automatically. But whatever has to happen has to initiate in me and from me. That is how it is. And realizing this partially reduces my frustration when things / people around me won’t work. I at least gather satisfaction in the fact that I have done what I could, and I move on.

There is a sign in anything & everything around us, if we start reading.

I choose to read & believe anything that makes me even slightly better.

The other Hand of God

2009-04-23T08:34:00.000-07:00

23^rd March, 2009

Disclaimer: I perceive God as a force (called life), binding, high spirited, and the one that drives us, each and every living organism on this planet from birth to death, and may be beyond. I pray to God, but not through the medium of religion or prayers. I believe in both, and the sacredness and power that they generate, and how they help connect a bridge with the Divine. But that is me, and my beliefs. And so is this article. So I sincerely apologize if I am stepping onto someone’s thoughts, or causing anyone discomfort. Nothing such intended. Let’s forgive each other, as fellow creations of the same Almighty.

God blesses us all. He does. We are all His creations, and he didn’t abandon us after creating us. He is taken care of everything – provided us a whole planet to settle upon, ample food and water, beautiful landscapes, vast seas and deep valleys, what not. He makes sure we are at comfort, and no matter at what rate we grow (somewhere beyond exponential, approximately) he does cater to all of us. So, when we have dinner, or when are about to call it a day and slip away into the dream world, or when we in trouble, or excited for some success and we sit down and remember him, he makes sure to lend an ear to each of us. And then he blesses us with that divine touch, the Hand of God! However, makes me wonder, what happens, with the other Hand of God? I mean, “On the other hand” is not just a phrase right, and we are mere his creations. So, the Sculptor, the Puppet Master, the End-all and the Be-all of the universe blesses us with one hand, then what is up with the other Hand of God?

God has this protective hand that safeguards us from all evils. The hand that pulls us out of tricky situations looks after our loved ones and which preserves the innocence in us, the good in us, and the reflection of Him in us. The Hand that makes us aware when we are not looking, and which shows us the direction when we are lost, to safety and home. It is the hand that holds people from falling off the train as they cling on the shaky bars and the hand that provides a little shade on a sunny day. This is the Hand of miracles. This is the Hand of Hope and Faith, of Love and Life. This Hand is the reminder that no matter what the troubles are, you will make through. When the situation’s tough, you will still make through. When it’s a matter of life and death, you will make through. You will defy all obstacles, and you will see the other side of the tunnel, the brighter side of the dark, the beautiful side of life. This is the Hand that calms us down when we are pacing, boosts us up when we are racing, and makes us up for facing the winds and storms of life. Amen.

What does the other hand do then? The Creator (in this case any, not just God) always has the power to create as well as destroy. He also has the power to change. That is what the other Hand must be doing. What has been created must be destroyed. We are all mortals, aren’t we? It’s like God is playing this huge game called “life” and we are his players. Battered and bruised, happy and sad, winning and losing we move on in this game. But then comes a time, when we should be put to rest. We must go back to Him (may be), and face Him for our good deeds and bad ones (may be). Get praised for our good, get punished for our bad (may be). That is what the other Hand must be doing. The other Hand demonstrates to us, that look, I have given you life, I can take it back. I give you rain, I also give you floods. I give you beautiful landscapes, but I also give you volcanoes and earth quakes. The other hand thus maintains balance. I am not saying the other hand is mere the destroyer. But the other hand makes sure to maintain the harmony and equilibrium in this huge stage of life that He Himself designed. With one hand, He pats us for our bravery, for helping out the needy, for guiding the younger ones, for obeying and respecting the elders, for pursuing our dreams, for molding ourselves into a bright promising future - for being His child. The other hand slaps us for that occasional lies that we told, for stealing, for neglecting our duties, for wasting what we got, for causing harm to ourselves and the ones around us, all his creations, again, for being his “other” child. One hand gives and the other takes. After all, there is enough room for only so much on this planet, right?

All of us, somewhere, sometime have had the opportunity to create and manage something of our own. You know what huge responsibility that is. It involves constant attention, to everything that is part of our design. This is what God does every single day, every single moment. God manages to be with all of us. This doesn’t mean there is one separate God for each of us. God is our belief, our faith and our prayers. God is what we believe will get us through, when you know the times are tough. God is the one you remember, when you don’t study for the exam and yet appear for it. God is the one who is within us; he is the life force that we call the soul. That is how He manages to have an eye on all of us, and provide an ear to all our prayers. And then of course, he has His Divine hand that blesses us all, and on the Other Hand, he gently reminds us of the “other” part and aspect of life, hope, faith, sorrow, everything. I must say, all of us are quite a two-hand-full, to the Lord Himself.

God Bless us all!

Good or bad, He is always by the side,

One Hand to punish, the other to bless His child.

How to eat the cake that you have?

2009-04-11T07:07:00.000-07:00

6th April, 2009

I had been to a mall recently, and while I was trying on a few shades, I realized that one of them was THE ONE. I had been looking for them everywhere I went, was hunting like a mad man running behind a wild goose. I had abandoned all, if any, hope of finding something like this. And now, here it was, right in front of me. And I couldn’t believe it. The color, the shape, everything was like I had imagined it to be. With a little apprehension, I tried it on. And man! It fit so well, and it looked so good on me, as if we were meant to be together, all the while. It was as if I was supposed to be born wearing those, and live with them resting on my nose all my life. Exaggeration, but definitely I went nuts. However, I enquire about the price, and I smiled. It was not the victorious smile, no. It was neither the sarcastic, lost-faith smile. The shades were totally out of my budget, and it was the smile that said, I knew it. I knew it, that something so good and so best for you, if you find it, you can’t have it. Or I will be breaking that jackass’s heart who said, I can’t have my cake and eat it too. Damn!

There are times, and places and people in life, where this phrase takes an altogether life-impacting meaning. I mean, let’s face it, I was little disappointed to not get those shades, but I guess I can still manage to live happily, ever after, with them being the point of concern. However, why would someone say this – You cannot have your cake and eat it too? Who stops us from doing this? We have come a long way from having hairy bodies and a bent spine and
living in the jungles to what we are today. Now if there is any difference between us then and now (except for the hairy bodies), then I feel we always have had our cake, and we ate it too. Didn’t we now? I believe we always did. We brought down mountains and raised our homes, we drank up rivers and we have water flowing in our homes, we took animals out of their jungles, and tamed them, we talk, and we write, we sing and we dance, we run and we cycle, we swim and we fly, we came up with a landline, and a mobile, we came up with computer & computer games, we had our cake, and we ate it too. Didn’t we? WE did.

So, why this phrase? And just a phrase doesn’t matter, because you cannot capture life in words or phrases. Life is ridiculously unpredictable and that what makes it worth living. But yes, there is a trend - a trend of experiences, a series of repetitions and history of records that demonstrates this phrase and makes it real. So why does this happen? Where do we go wrong? I think this is where the “human” part of us comes in the picture. Humans have an attention span which is so pathetic, and yet the only thing responsible for us making all this progress. We make wonders and we move on. We make blunders and we move on. We revisit the site of the “wonders” to remind ourselves of our great deeds. We reflect on our blunders and pray not to get there again in life. But we move on. We invented a match stick, we were excited. Now we are not. We invented a jet plane, a super computer, a space rocket, clone, bombs, ships and what not. But now we are not excited, because we want to know, what next? What else can be done? What more can we achieve? This is the never dying, always innovating and ever-aspiring spirit that keeps us going, on and on. Further and farther. But what it doesn’t allow us to do is wait and bask in the glory of what we have. It doesn’t allow us to sit and cherish what we fought for and won. It doesn’t satisfy us anymore, whatever we have and we get. The whole life we run after what we don’t have and what we won’t get. People are hurt, minds are dimmed, hearts are broken and feelings crushed and forgotten. But that’s how we are. And that’s how it is.

Anything that is won will be less valuable than what can be won now, or what is difficult to win. We want a bike, but once we get it, we want a car. That’s how it is. That is why people always end up valuing everything that they have and own, less than what they don’t have and can be won. That is how old things, memories, toys, people, dreams, ambitions, crushes, fantasies, friends, enemies all fade away with time. They are replaced by new ones. When this happens to people, it really hurts. But that’s how it is. So we may strive hard to get the cake, and once we have it, we don’t want to eat it. Coz we have it, and we don’t want it anymore. You cannot want anything that you have. You have it, it’s yours. So we tend to overlook it. This is one of the laws of “humanity” and it cannot be fought. But it can be sat upon and thought about. And may be, when we all do this, we might find a way to have our cake and eat it too. It’s not that we can’t, it’s just that we don’t. We tend to destroy what we love the most. May be, this is how it is.

It’s not my place to comment, but I guess from this, I can relate to how marriage must be like. Humans get bored easily, and being with same person for the rest of our life, man, good luck with that. I think a successful marriage would be the one where you want your partner more and more every single day, even after you have him / her. So life is not just about having new things all the time, it is also about finding new things to do with the old things that we already have.

We usually pray for the well being of things/people we have,
And for things we want more. Life is about both.

Bore to the c(h)ore

2009-03-29T08:45:00.000-07:00

17th March, 2009

Sparks flying off, as the hammer hits the hot iron. Levers being pulled and switches manipulated. Some calculations happening here and some adjustments taking place there. Workers sweating it out, running from one end to the other. Basically work is being done. There is throughput. Effort is put into, and the fruits are reaped. Raw materials put in, and finished goods realized. Goals accomplished. Tasks completed. Duty fulfilled. However, this cannot be the scene inside a devil’s workshop. I mean, let’s face it, a devil will always try to be counter-productive, if not destructive.

An idle mind is a devil’s workshop – I always wondered what it means. It never petrified me though, but rather intrigued me. But as fate has it, you just don’t meet the devil inside you that easily. After all he is the devil, he can’t be punctual or stick to his word right, remember, counter-productive?

I have been idle for like months now. And though I always thought it would be ideal to be idle and do nothing, the truth is, it sucks. Sucks big time. I mean it is one thing to be idle by choice, and a whole lot of insulting and demeaning event, to be idle by force. Unfortunately, mine’s the latter case. I have been idle for so long time, that “work” is a concept lost in forgotten memories. Also, the degree of my idleness at work is so profound, that I often find myself doing intense physical labor (actually lifting and moving stuff around), or indulging in very private and discrete activities like “walking” for miles and miles. Worse, there are times when I blankly stare in space, (I know things are getting to sound a bit filmy, but it’s like I am the rocket with my tail set on fire, The one who burns, doesn’t find it fun). I keep staring, and I realize I am doing this, and it’s weird, and that I should stop. But sometimes I just cannot. I keep staring as if somewhere within this thin air, I will find some dignifying work, some meaningful activity. But deep down, I know not what I am looking for. I am looking for dignity. Or rather I am looking for that one doorway to fun, where I can be as enthusiastic and fun-bobby (from F.R.I.E.N.D.S.) as I used to be. I see degradation in myself. I have deteriorated and I somehow cannot stand this happening. I am seeing myself fall piece by piece, and i just sit there and watch my own doom. And that is when I realized, this is not me.

Now, many would say that isn’t every single decision that we make a battle between the good and the devil inside us? I disagree. The decision making is usually not the good and the evil at war, decisions are rather based on the circumstance and the then state of mind. It is just part of our personality to choose between two options, or rather be confused between two options. However, the devil that resides inside us is not a day-to-day phenomenon. I am quite an “absolute” person, and I look at everything uniquely. I tend to be very less “relative” at judging things. Even I used to wonder if I have already demonstrated the devil in me on quite a lot of occasions before. However, those incidents failed to make an impact, and I was really embarrassed. Is the devil within me so incompetent? I was faced by the most soul-stirring and mind boggling crisis: Is my “bad” side not bad enough? We all look forward to be the best at whatever we wish to accomplish. I am no exception, and I take this a bit to the higher level. I do the best, the best, and the worst, worst. My crisis vanished as vaguely as it appeared though, because I did not know then that I had an appointment with the devil in me itself.

One day, after the whole “not-doing-anything-at-all-the-whole-day” routine, I came home. I went through the other “usuals” at home, and then decided to retire early to bed (thinking that would be like doing something different, new). And as I relaxed and stretched on the bed, I had this creepy feeling. I suddenly felt so suffocated; I didn’t realize what to do. And I started pulling at my hair, and was nauseated to the core. I had no idea what was happening, but I felt bitter and angry and frustrated like never before. And I started crying. I was wailing loudly. It’s like something horrible had consumed me. I didn’t know what it was. But I felt this excruciating rage and I was behaving like a mad person. And as I cried and cried, eventually it all drained out. And I was shaken by the whole experience. It went away as suddenly as it had appeared. Yes, it was the devil in me, I was quite sure. I felt those vibes, that negative aura within me. I felt different – violent, full of rage and frustration. I felt as if I were consumed by all of these negativities. I felt them in my blood, in my soul. I sensed them rising to an extreme, and then the outburst of tears. I cried for myself, for the state I was in. It was like a dark shadow, creepy, the one that sends a chill down the spine.

I believe what happened to me was a demonstration of the devil in me. And the workshop that he runs. May be he paid a visit to thank me for my endless contribution to the workshop for the past 9 months. Or he just dropped by to remind me what I am becoming. At a certain level, I also believe it was my soul cleansing itself off this devil. That night, I may have left him behind, and moved on. I felt strangely peaceful later that night. However, no matter what, only time can tell when this devil will raise its ugly head again. But I believe in myself, and my will power and my intentions to be what I am, and I am sure I will always triumph over it. Because no matter how powerful the devil demonstrated himself to be, I am the master of all that is ME.

I have promised to keep myself occupied in some or the other meaningful activity throughout the day. I think on some level, I had the realization of the phrase “An idle mind is a devil’s workshop”. Or may be not. But I am seizing this opportunity to tell myself that I have. That night, it was nothing but the “idleness” getting to my head. And it was quite devilish, there’s no denying that. This is not a ghost story that we use to stop children from doing something undesirable. I was presented with a chance to slap myself out of this self-imposed misery, and I am taking it. I am telling myself this bedtime story, so that the child that is me, doesn’t wander off the path of “doing” things and making it happen. We are the master of our own lives.

If it wasn’t for the worst, the best wouldn’t be good enough.

Holi-er than thou!

2009-03-29T08:44:00.000-07:00

11th Mar, 2009

A dark night and a darker alley. It’s pretty much past mid-night. All the sounds that one could possibly hear have died out. The darkness is heavier on the eyes, as there is no sign of light in the distance. It’s strange how all things look similar in the dark. It’s difficult to distinguish, and darkness plays with your eyes. You see forms and you see things that are not there. And you can’t see what all is actually there. Everything looks black, like a big blanket has been put up on the whole world. We are all right there, sleeping under the big black blanket, in our true colors. But right now, we are all one under it. We all are the same.

In the dark and still night, where nothing moves, time manages to slip by. It is unaffected by this order of events, and it just makes it through and forth, second by second. And as it passes, it doesn’t even realize that it carries the darkness with it. Away. And as the darkness slips slowly across the land, and as the blanket lifts slowly, you see the true picture. Colors. You begin to see things distinctly. You see the green grass, and the blue sky, and the color of the car that is parked in the garage, and the colorful vegetables and fruits, to the colors of window panes and doors, the color of the soil and the color of the water in the river. Everything has its own color, and its own definition. And you see it clearly now. The darkness has disappeared. The sun shines brightly upon us, and tells us apart. We stand separated and unique in our true colors.

The town begins to buzz with its routine activities. Everything and everyone works like a group of stage artists acting on a script. However, you suddenly look upon a group of people, throwing colors at each other. It looks like some celebration. They hail water balloons and all look drenched in joy. But one thing catches the eye. In all those colors, so many of them, they all look strangely alike. It’s difficult to tell them apart. It just appears to be a gathering of people; a group gelled into one force.

That is the magic of colors. The colors of Holi. The human race has been doomed with colors, when the logic is applied to the skin. We are brown, and white, and black and peach and what not. But aren’t we all just humans. Holi colors us all into a single entity. It’s are the only colors that work towards eliminating differences. It’s are the only colors that make us all look the same, no matter what color, ethnicity we belong to. Let’s keep it simple. When you see a pack of lions, you call them all lions, don’t you? So when we see people, no matter who, what and where, remember, they are all humans. And for me, Holi is a gentle, fun and joyous reminder of this simple fact. We are all one.

We are all colorful, only because God is quite an artist.
But we all form part of the same Holy picture.
So the black and the white and the red and the blue,
You cannot tell different from the mixture.

Out of Body Experience

2009-03-29T08:42:00.000-07:00

18th March, 2009

Imagine life without mirrors. How less would we see ourselves then? I guess the least. It is so tough, isn’t it, to have a look at ourselves? Well we can look at our hands and legs and the front torso, but the face and the back are quite inaccessible. That is why wherever, be it a shopping mall, on the road, the car windows or any damn reflecting material that we come across, we tend to look at ourselves in it. We admire ourselves at & from different angles – sideways, a rear-view with the butt sticking out and so on. It’s like; we cannot miss this opportunity to look, because we don’t know when we will get another chance to do so! We get to look at other faces, faces that we love, faces that we hate, but altogether faces that are on somebody else’s shoulders, every single day. We can stare at other butts, but we know that our looks and our butts are at the mercy of others! For looking at ourselves, a mirror is a must. This is because we live our lives in first person, don’t we? It’s a first person action/drama/fun/thrill ride. It’s us, we drive our own life.

A mirror is a piece of marvel in the physical world, which shows us who we really are. It shows us that little paunch that we are fashioning these days, or the little unshaven spots right below the jaw line, or how our teeth are nowhere close to a remote shade of white, basically us as we are. It gives you exactly whatever you give it, right back at you. It shows our reflection. That is why, when we are wrong, we tend/asked to “reflect” upon ourselves. In psychological terms, a mirror translates to “introspection”. You know, putting ourselves under the scanner. We are all born-judges, and we are the masters at making snap judgments at and for others. Look at what a dress she’s wearing and does he even have a sense of hair style and what does he bloody think of himself, is this how you eat and so on so forth. But we are too protective about self, aren’t we? We are liberal with ourselves. When it comes to us, we will give all the benefit of doubt, we would want like multiple second chances to prove ourselves, and if not offered all this, then the world is unfair. Anyways, there are times and incidents in every person’s life, where he/she wishes that they shouldn’t have done certain things. I am not talking about regrets, because regrets are a very emotional-breakdown kind of things, where you sit and sulk about some past incident needlessly. I hate regrets, and so I have none (Just like I hate table manners, and I have none, or just unlike I love women, but I have none). I am talking about our psychological mirror-
introspection.

The truth is, whenever we exhibit anger, wickedness, rudeness or any such “quality”, we don’t look good. And the introspection mirror always reminds us that. Whenever you sit down after such an incident, and think about the whole scene from the third person point of view, you realize that you were looking quite ugly then. Ugly here denotes the ugliness of the act. This is my correction mechanism. I am quite a sinner, and I don’t say this just because it sounds cool. But in my capacity, I review such incidents and I look at myself in the mirror of reality. And all those places where I was not justified I make sure to correct myself. I firmly believe in the phrase: “Do not do unto to others what you don’t want them to do unto you”. We never wish to be a recipient to such hideous acts. So let’s not act likewise with others. I refer to this “reflecting upon actions” as an out of body experience. Because just like to look at ourselves we need a mirror, to introspect we need to come out of the body shell and look at ourselves objectively. As long as we are in it, we will defend it. We will protect it, even when we are wrong. Sometimes, we just need to go in the third person mode, to understand how a scene really looks, because the third person has the best view, and he is unbiased. It’s the same like how we cannot inspect a piece of clothing that we have put on currently. Only when we remove it and take it in our hands and scrutinize it under light is we notice the stain near the collar, or that small hole near the sleeve. It’s like the CBI showing us a video clip of our own acts, “Sorry sir, but it is pretty clear here that you are guilty. We have evidence”. And you cannot deny what you see.

Also, we surround ourselves with the best companions that we find on this journey of life. Ofcourse they are there because we trust them, love them and respect them. Introspection is an out-of-body-experience. Similarly, a best friend or a very dear person can always tell us things about us which we fail to see. They are our mirrors, which we carry around through our life. We look at ourselves through these special people around us. And we try to look good for them, because we know, that’s the way we are the best!

We can see the lamp, as well as the darkness below it!
That’s because we are neither the lamp, nor the darkness!

Right Click, Set As Background

2009-03-08T07:30:00.000-07:00

19^th Feb, 2009

Companies hire people after verifying their “backgrounds”. While buying clothes, you try to see them in a proper background which compliments it well. Whenever you see some nice picture, you tend to make it your computer background. You bang your car into a cow at 3:30 am, just because the brown cow was not quite visible in the yellow background of the street lights. You are sure that if the background was proper, the cow would have been safe. And so would be the car. Backgrounds.

Backgrounds work like magic. They compliment the foreground to make it look better, and they set up a whole theme for a particular picture. All pictures, life, stories, happenings, everything has a certain backdrop associated with it - a backdrop that defines its characteristics, nature & personality. However have we ever wondered that we all are a part of the background image, of some or the other person that we are closely associated with? That we unknowingly become one with the “backdrop” that defines a certain special somebody’s life, and we play the “unnoticed” role of a virtual “back office” for that person? It’s true, and it’s unavoidable. And it’s a post of high responsibility as well as a privilege too.

The process of human relationships is complex. The excitement curve of any relationship usually starts at a higher point. That is why it eventually falls (what goes up, comes down). Now, this is neither a rule nor a compulsive statement, just a general observation. With time, the excitement falls too. It’s quite a task to keep it high, to keep it going. We have distractions, we have the famed “ups and downs” of the bumpy ride that life is, and of course we have greener pastures to migrate to. There are other reasons too, like moving away from someone (out of sight out of mind), having other equally/more important priorities in life so on, so forth. The fact is, there are a lot of obstacles to this marathon sprint of a relationship, and eventually, the curve goes down south.

Life is an accumulation of a series of events, people and experiences. But there is a limited space, and not everyone can stay. Throughout our life, we work like fishermen. We grab whatever comes into our net, and move on with the catch. So some things stick to this net that our life is, and some are left behind. Nonetheless, we move on. Sometimes aware, but majorly unaware, we move on. However, sometimes, we come across someone, whom we genuinely like. And we want to make an effort, and see to it, that when you move on, involuntarily, we don’t leave this person behind. These are people, who are presently not a major part of you, your life and your time, but they laid a solid foundation somewhere in the past, and made some dents in your life which somehow has mixed and complimented to the way you are today. These are people you are not with today only because time and life drifted you apart. You didn’t want to let go, but you had no choice. Such people don’t ever completely go out of our life. They are there, somewhere a part of the background that defines you today.

If our life is a computer screen, then the concept of these “backgrounds” really makes sense. And as I mentioned before, the responsibility of being somebody’s background is very high. It is like this: a lot of applications currently run on a person’s screen, indicating that a lot of other people are priorities and take up all the time of this person, and you are underneath them all, in the background. And when the other processes start giving trouble, they stop working, that’s when a person minimizes all troubles to have a look at the background. That’s when you come into play. You make the person remember of the better times. May be, you will get a call, and for the time being, you both step into a different world, where it’s you and the person. But that’s about it. After the call is hung up, the background vanishes behind the applications again. However, the very fact that you are the background image is quite an achievement. Because you either make it to the background, or you make it to the recycle bin, and in either case, you don’t get to choose. The transition is automatic, if you have been a true friend; you will make it to the famed wall in your best friend’s life. If you have been a painful memory, and a total jerk, you shall be swept away from the recycle bin, never to be seen again. I just wish, that people whom I consider special, do accommodate me in their life, as an active application forever. However, if and when the time comes, I wish to be there in their life, in the form of their desktop background. I am willing; to be a passively-active part of them, and serve that friendship we shared, for life. I wish to be like the genie, which will be there for them, always. All they got to do is, press ALT+CTRL+DEL, and they will see me there, smiling right at them.

So Right Click, and Set Me as Background.

One too Many

2009-01-22T04:59:00.000-08:00

22nd Jan, 2009

We are a sad, doomed species. Even though we are the most happening thing on this planet, we are sad to the core. Complicated, weird, always un-sure of what we want and what we don't, and extremely volatile. Yes, all these characteristics define us, and have actually brought us from the jungle to the cities. However, when we get down to deciphering personal lives, when we see the day-to-day happenings in one's life, we just realize that we are really impossible. Everywhere there are just thin lines, everywhere there's hope and betrayal, there's love and hate, there's good and bad, there's "I like you as a friend but…", and there's "Oops, I am pregnant", how much is too much, and it's never enough, and am sick of you and I miss you, and I want you, and I want you (where the "you" keeps changing too). And every one of the above thing is interchangeable, and keeps interchanging. You cannot expect, you cannot predict, you cannot determine, you cannot influence, you cannot control but get controlled like a puppet, shook like a dry leaf in the wind, or like a dumb kid in an amusement park ride, minus the amusement. The thrill is there, the suspense, the unpredictability, that's what we are. And some might think that life is about balancing all these, but no, cause its one too many.

I am tired of that feeling inside me, that "me" within me which wants status quo. Which doesn't want things to change, won't let go, will hang on to the rope of hope while it is slipping out of its grip as smoothly as a hot chick lets you down. That desperation, that frustration, that anger building within, and the sick feeling of being a loser that burns everything from inside like a lot of rum on an empty stomach. We can't digest the fact that the thing that we wanted the most, the one which we fought for like forever and achieved it, we cherished it, kept it in highest regards for like ever, and which was the prime factor of our life, just won't stay that way. Even if you try, so much as to qualify to that idiotic phrase "try try till you succeed", things change. What we need to realize is that we are the decision makers in our life, just to say. But in reality, we are a bunch of dumbfucks, who are always given like 2 choices, and we merely choose. That too, a lot is just decided upon by external factors. So basically, we are forced to choose something, and then we are made to feel that "WE" are the decision makers and we go around basking in glory. It's like, "You have a shitty job, and you have shitloads of loans and debts to clear of, and what you really desire to work for won't fetch you that kinda money for sure, so what do you do? Go, choose!" And then like a jackass, you say, "I choose my current job, because I want to keep the money flowing, and I don't want to commit suicide under the pressure of repaying loans, when I should actually be enjoying my "bachelor life". And then we say happily, I chose.

Well, that is not the saddest part of our life though. We are good at adapting to these enforced decisions, and we very much make a life out of it. We still go to sleep every night, just to get up in the morning, to fight the same battle all over again. We are very much determined and have an undoubting spirit that is for sure. But what hurts the most is, whilst we are at this routine war, there are certain people / things in our life that we hang on to. They make the war look beautiful, they make you enjoy the pain, they make defeat look like a celebration, and they are responsible for you to love yourself and your life. You love yourself because you are happy that you chose them to be around you. If this life is a ride, you enjoyed holding their hand on the trickiest of twists and turns. And it was worth it. However, when these anchors, these pillars of your life, these very foundation of your courage and strength have to move away, life can get as painful as that sinking feeling in the heart, or the whirlpool that sucks everything in the stomach. That lonely feeling. The person won't "leave" you, no. But humans get bored. After a while, you become a day-to-day object for each other. An object, that is just there. The feelings are there forever, but it's like, "Alright now, I have you, you can be here beside me, while we are set on this ride, all looking forward to new things". The one's that are besides are ignored, not by choice, but by nature. It's quite natural, it happens, and it sucks. Because sometimes in your life, you come across certain people, where you never wish to become a routine, or "an old thing", or something that is just there. It's like falling in love over and over again with the same person. It's like finding something new in an old friend, everyday. It's like having light below the lamp itself. Basically, it's like not there.

I feel it should be like taking a ride together, and being right there with each other, not looking back or forth, but at each other. Cause life will go on in its own course, own pace, own way, even if you are not looking. Like they say, you keep looking everywhere, just to find happiness sitting right there next to you. So I keep looking at the vast sea of options, people, jobs, houses cars and what not, I only realize, I better hold on to what I cherish the most, cause out there, there's one too many. I am one too many. And I am lost.

Life is scary when you feel alone in a crowd,

Life is scary when nobody hears you screaming out loud

Life becomes troublesome, it becomes weary

Cause life is a place where you got one too many

Break-up, don’t break-down!

2009-01-15T07:13:00.000-08:00

3rd December, 2008

“I will sacrifice everything for you….will even lay down my life for you”, is this true love? Not necessarily. This is something you might say only when you are in love with someone. But saying this doesn’t necessarily mean you are in deep, true love. If you ask me, the day you think that your existence depends on somebody else than you, I might even go to the extent of saying that you are in deep shit, not love.

I believe in love, and also believe in the power of love. I know there lies no other feeling as beautiful and joyous as being in love. And there is no other better life than getting to live with the ones you love, forever. Agree or not, this is all true. But this is not what I intend to talk about. Life is a beautiful journey, and just like any other journey, it can get boring on certain turns. Love is like getting to listen all your favorite songs on that journey, (of course, alongside your loved one), so that the tough gets going. But sometimes, we set on a journey and are unable to make it through. I am talking about those journeys, where we don’t make it through. After all, it’s not always about making it.

Sometimes, we pick up a piece of clothing, an expensive one, thinking it looks the best on you. And then we realize, that’s not the case. It’s an error in judgment. Sometimes, we think that our car will easily squeeze through between the rush hour traffic. Well, here, an error in judgment could be fatal too. We all make mistakes. Errors. After all, to err is human. So we do. But at least in case of non-fatal errors, do we every time break down and sit and cry. Do we regret all the time that you spent with your judgment, or just pick yourself up and move on? I think we easily do the latter. But then, when it comes to love, why does this logic change drastically?

I don’t mean to compare love with a piece of clothing, or driving, or to an error. But why can’t we be wrong in this department? Don’t we make most of errors in judging people? So when you love someone, that someone is a person. And you could be totally off track about it. You can be attracted to a person, at first, but then you just realize it was mere attraction and nothing more. Or you could be on the receiving end, when someone loses interest in you. After all, sustainability cannot be predicted. Loyalty cannot be demanded. And love, cannot be asked for. It is there, or it is not. However, in all these situations, we are talking about people falling out of love. That could be brutal. However, when people break up, then what. If love is believable, then so should be break ups.

Love may be a chemical, as people say. But it is a feeling. There are emotions involved. In fact, love is the only medium through which our otherwise lonely and independent lives get entangled. However, that doesn’t mean they cannot be undone. Sometimes, break ups are a solution. Sometimes, love hurts. Most probably because it just vanishes, and we are unaware of it. Reasons could be many and varied. But the truth is; love can end. It ends. Just like you don’t realize how you fell in love, you don’t realize the exit as well. But then, when it’s time to exit, walk out, and move on. You might choose to stay there, but life won’t wait with you. Neither the one you love, which is logical, otherwise you would have been together. So, will you define “true love” by the number of days you kept crying on the loss of it? I will say, if it was true love, it won’t hurt me, even after it’s over. Coz I will always look back to those beautiful days and time, which will never be lost. Coz I lived that fun, I lived that love. All that goes away from me is the future quota of it. But that is true love, unbounded and unbound.

Yes, I might wait for it to return, but there’s a very thin line between waiting and being stuck. And of course, we always know if that person is going to return. So why wait, when we are sure it is not going to happen. It’s just a matter of acceptance and nothing more. I believe in true love, but I don’t believe in one love. I despise polygamy and cheating, so I hope we all understand that is not what I am aiming it, or promoting. All I say is, you fall in love, and so can you fall out. However, life doesn’t stop there, coz you can and will always love again. However screwed up a species we are when it comes to relationships, we cannot survive without love. We just shouldn’t stop looking. More importantly you shouldn’t be looking back. I had read this somewhere, with a special someone right next to me, “stop looking forever, happiness is right next to you”, and I believed it. Happiness is now, with you. So walk with the people who are with you now, be happy and make them happy. What was left behind should be out of mind, if not forgotten. After all, have you ever heard about life stopping anywhere, but at death? And till death do us apart, can sometimes be too good to be true. It’s better, then to part without dying. To part without crying. Sometimes, just sometimes, we can give up without trying too hard. Call it a coincidence, but there could be a reason why it is called a break –up and not a break down! So please, break up, and don’t break down.

When I think of love, my whole life sums up
When one walks out of my life, another comes up!

Call me Sexy-ist!!

2008-11-14T06:40:00.000-08:00

14th Nov, 2008

I will not name the college, but once I was in “this” college, which is rather infamous. And I always thought it’s unfair, since I had never personally come across things that could make it so. However, I never knew that the calamity was waiting to strike me, where it hurts the most. I am a frequent “goer” when it comes to rest rooms, just shows that am ever willing to pass on whatever little I have gathered. (Say, knowledge!) One fine day, I visited this gent’s restroom in the college. Usual stuff. And then came the unusual. While I was at it, I had this creepy feeling of being watched. And that was the last place where I would want myself to be watched; neither would someone want to watch me when am there. So out of curiosity, I looked around and saw this girl peeking in through the door, already almost inside the rest room. (Our gent’s restrooms don’t have doors, or if they exist they are wide open!). And I was appalled. She quickly ran outside (may be she was looking for a friend, don’t judge her. But in here??) The only place where I thought I could be at peace and not hurry and she ruined it for me. And I thought that the girl had no business in here. Yes, you can call me sexist!!

They say that the battle of the sexes is the longest fought battle ever. They say it’s still going on. But has anyone noticed that it’s the only one-sided battle that was ever fought. Have you noticed that men gave in a long time ago? Ever since we started fighting wars in their conquest of timeless beauties, we more or less gave in. We always have been the captives of the other sex. At least I believe and accept that. There are innumerable things that we can, will and have always done just to please the fairer sex. But then, how fair has the fairer sex really been? And what do they still keep fighting about?Just as we men are open about our craziness and dependency on the other sex, the girls just don’t admit it. They go to the extent that, they say they will find ways to get pregnant without a man (you know), and then won’t need men at all. Need? Who told you that we are a necessity? We are all passengers on this ship earth. We all are. Dogs, cats, crows, trees and us, men and women, we all just co-exist. We cannot say that we don’t need crows tomorrow. Not because of the life-cycle, the food chain and bullshit. But because nobody’s giving you the option to say something like that. Nobody’s asking us or giving us options to choose from as our fellow travelers. It’s like we are in a local train and no matter how up close and personal you really get in the crowd (not literally, but you know), you have no option against it, nor do you get to choose who all will be surrounding you. No. It’s there. Accept it.

And furthermore, stop fighting. Men and women are both good at different things. They are bad at different things too. They both can be on the right or on the wrong side. We men don’t get a reserved boogie on the train. There’s Ladies compartment and general compartment. We don’t have separate seats for us on the bus. And many more such things. On the flipside, we are blessed with many things that you may not be able to do. But that’s how it is. And that’s how it should be. Despite and inspite of all this, what matters is we need to co-exist. Men can never say something as irrational as “We don’t want girls!” No, we want them. We want so many of them around us, more the merrier. There are certain things that we do, and only we can do. And no matter how you fight or how much you fight, you are not getting it. Just accept this truth and move on. And always remember, no matter what we do, or how macho we want to be, there will always be one girl who will tame many of us. May be that’s why we are dogs, and so we are, and you cannot be. But then, you are the ones who bitch!

You can call me Sexy-ist!

The Benched!

2008-10-31T03:49:00.000-07:00

11th September, 2008

School was fun. The innocent mischief, the young crushes, the loads of homework, the never ending lunch breaks, the PE training and so on, make it a memorable ride. Something that every one of us wishes stays with us forever. It does, only in the form of "those-were-the-days" types. How many times do we catch ourselves saying, I wish those days are back. They won't be, for sure. However, some concepts are re-emerging. The "admired" and adored that they were in school, now, moreover, have taken an ugly avatar. The proud back benchers in school are reduced to a mere frustrated, not-in-use-inventory kind of stock, in their dream-come-true companies, today. The waste of talent, the butchering of creativity and the brutal murder of sanity, the bench!

So, how educated one has to be to qualify for a bench? The answer lies in an old quote, the more the merrier. You finish your school, high school, grad, post-grad, and then you qualify to be worthy of the throne. So, all these years of un-stopped education, learning, and mugging concepts boils down to this bench, the ultimate truth. Or rather penultimate, the ultimate thing being you either signing off from the company, saying a bench somewhere else suits me better. This bench creates an aura, meant for dummies in an asylum. Its sorta a test of time, where they expose you to a process of unlearning due to boredom-to-death. At the end of a specified period (again, longer the merrier, no pun intended), the one with the least lost sanity and skills is considered fit for finally working on some work. Work itself is a very delusive concept, coz it really takes a toll out of you just to find out what work actually is. In a way, you learn like a pig till you reach the bench. There, you laze around like a pig, till you unlearn. And by the time you are back to being just a pig with no skills (or lost skills), you are put on a project, in which case you are bound to under-perform. That leaves you with a rating, again more suited for a pig. See the vicious circle? We are in a way cursed, just like was Karna in Mahabharata: "When you need your knowledge and skills the most, you will lose it". How fucked up are we!

Dreams and ambitions are an integrated part of our life. They grow along with us, from our childhood to the death-bed. They are times in our life when we sacrifice a lot for such dreams. We sacrifice on certain different ambitions and goals to fulfill another one. Don't we? We sacrifice on personal relationships, friends, family and what not. Even health. We leave the best's in our life, to reach here, the pursuit of our dreams. The ultimate idea is to make some money here, be stable and then go back to the best that we left behind. A reality check: aren't we the fools who left the best's in our life, for any-goddamn-thing. We have entered this maze, where we just move on further into uncertainties and further away from the best. Uncertainties are part of life, agreed. But there's a time when we have everything that we need to cope up with them. And we leave all that behind, for our dreams and ambitions, to make a career. We enter this tunnel wishing that what we left at the beginning of it, we find at the end. So be it. Bench results only in low-in-confidence, ego-bruised, knowledge-eroded, personality-degraded people. The very existence of the bench is so prominent, it still defies my logic as to why don't companies do something about it. End of the day, we are bothered about tapping "flowing water", but apparently nobody gives a damn about "flowing life, wasted away just like that". How sad are we?

(There's no denying the fact that a bench has to exist, for a company has to hedge. But if something has to exist, it has to be nourished and well kept. Small things like keeping recreational facilities open for benchers all throughout the day, could go a long way in making a bench a lot better than a mere hell hole that it currently is. Coz when companies need people, they definitely need them in working condition, I suppose)(Not intended to any particular organization. Personal views)

Not just Kotler

2008-06-22T12:30:00.000-07:00

23rd June, 2008

You walk down the long corridor that takes you to the waiting room. Placements. Chaos everywhere, as a reputed Management institute starts looking like a public bazaar, people are buying and selling careers. This is the time when things like “Survival of the fittest”, and “killer/predatory instincts” become pretty clear in your mind. This is the time when you realize that you were the foolish chicken, (no, not the one who tried to cross the road), but the one who made friends with a butcher itself. You literally do get butchered in GD’s, as one after the other, you just go and come back, with no fish in your net. And your neighbor flaunts his stock of big fish, right in your face. This is the time, when you are desperate, this is the time when peer pressure weighs more than a ton!

Anxious eyes everywhere. Some have made it pass the line, you are still there. You only know what’s cooking in your head. You are calm, you have told yourself to be. You know, that you are gonna give your hundred percent to every opportunity you get. You are, but somehow it is not enough. You look, to the people on the other side of the virtual line. They are all gloomy, happy for themselves, but overshadowed with grief for your state of affairs. Some are your friends, genuinely concerned. Some are just rubbing it in your face. You somehow want to tell your friends that this is not the right time to show sympathy. Those looks of pity are killing you from inside, shattering every bit of courage, hope, self-respect and self-belief that you ever possessed. That too, at th
is moment, when it matters the most. But you cant tell them. You wished you could. And that is when another gloomy face picks you up, and takes you to another encounter. You are numb in your mind. Your senses have given way. Your identity and existence till now seems to be all wiped off. This is the new ridiculous you, the centre of all sympathy. People around are working hard towards your success. You are one handicapped person trying to cross the line. From shamed and disgraced, to “being employed”.

That is when you are taken inside this dungeon, where you find very weird people. They want to hire you, but they make all possible efforts to not to do so. With the courage of a goat who is about to get butchered, you face the employer, hoping that this evil looking person bestows some mercy on you. You answer the regular one’s with proficiency while your mind still watches out for the trap. And then the dreaded question, “What is your favorite subject?”. Heard about the times when you speak faster than you think? This is it. “Marketing”, before you even realize what, when and where.

Bullets can’t be taken back, but you surely are taken back by the spontaneity of that “false” statement. The eye of the killer gleams with pleasure, as if cornering a potential prey. You still put up a bold face in the eye of this self-created calamity. You are wounded, you dodge some, but the truth is, if this is a war, you are losing big time. But then, why not? It is a war, and we do lose sometime. Just like the soldiers of fortune, who hold their heads high, as long as they are fighting, why cant we? You fought, and you lost. Is that so hard to digest?

When your favorite subject is marketing, it is so, inspite of the fact that Kotler did something for it, or somebody else did. For me, the love for marketing has been everything but Kotler. I have my own views and ideas of my favorite subject which I may not necessarily pick up from the so called father of marketing. There are so many people for whom Marketing is nothing but Kotler. I am not one of them. That does not signify that I am incapable. That just says that I have worked around the “normal”, the “routine”, to get to know a subject somehow on my own. After all, marketing is just everywhere around you. Then isn’t it possible that someone just picked it up before he ever got to pick up a Kotler? I have nothing against this personality, but only against people who have made him a must for the subject. I believe that Kotler would have been nothing if not for marketing, and not the other way round. Coz marketing, like many other things, is not taught. May be some terms that are defined in these so called bibles of marketing are essential because the world wants to speak in that language. Otherwise, I find no meaning in this literature, which tries to teach a skill. I am happy to be denounced dumb, rather than saying that “I have read Kotler, and hence I know marketing”. I also don’t want to be counted among the people who claim that I love marketing and so I have to read Kotler. Trust me, life cannot be just the Bible, the Gita, the Quran or anything so sacred. And trust me, marketing cannot be, and is not, just Kotler.

Something just cannot be the whole and soul of anything.
It’s just another concept, from just another book.
I have painted a beautiful picture of my own life,
And I realized, I never had the chance to look.

Leave No Man Behind…

2007-10-14T05:04:00.001-07:00

11^th October, 2007

A quick dive to the right, and he nearly escaped the fleet of bullets that went soaring by. With all the noise, and nails and debris flying everywhere almost every moment, each and every one of them must have regretted the day they were born. I guess most had anticipated that they would regret their death-moment as well. It was going to be horrid. It was going to be gruesome. More, it was close, very close. This was just a narrow escape. However the landing was all the more painful. He landed in a heap of burning barb wire, which got rooted deeply into his thigh and back. Agony. He remembered all those times in his life when he had thought he would better die, over meager problems. Now, death was cutting through him slowly, and his will was to stay alive and fight. Life is hauntingly beautiful.

Leave no man behind. This was the first principle taught in the army. And true to it’s every word, two terribly battered men, the ones you would see in a boys hand when he is done playing with them for over a decade, came to his rescue. One of them pulled the barb wire out in one painful motion. A lump of flesh flew in the air to the ground. That was nothing to the pain that they were going through. They knew only the 3 were left. All radio communications had given way. The valley plays weird games with the men. The beautiful landscape of snow covered trees, and snow covered darkness as well snow covered black, with all the terrible mangled bodies and that shade of iron red. It was indeed beautiful. The enemies were many. They were well equipped and obviously in a better off position than this trio. The 3 knew that slowly they are being surrounded. With communications died out, there was none but one way out of this. The woods are lovely, dark and deep, and miles to go before I sleep.

They had to dash for cover. Fighting in open would be fatal. “Fatal” suddenly seemed a lot relieving that their present condition. Nevertheless they had made up their minds. They needed to create a diversion. They needed a decoy. They were left with a rifle, one pistol and 3 grenades. Each carried a knife. However, when the enemy is so many, they had no use of that blade. They settled down in the trench. These were moments of heavy silence. These were moments of anxiety. These were moments which were slipping fast, out of their hands. May be, these were the moments they wished they could hold onto. They knew they couldn’t. Life is so weird too. Even at this point of time, when the hooded agent of death must have been grinning at his hidden face, these three could not help smiling at the wonderful times they had together. Suddenly, they were reminded of the time when they use to watch at the night in trenches. The snow would play its load on them. They were not allowed to leave the trench then, until the next afternoon when other guys came in their place. Now, they didn’t want to leave the trench. They remembered how he would just dash to the cabin before anyone would know, and get a few pints so that they would survive the night. It was quite a scene, to see those smiles on their half absent faces. I think even the smile was painful. They were shaken out of their memories, when he, suddenly made a dash in the opposite side of the woods.

Before they would even realize, he was gone. And then they heard it. Cracking of a lot many guns at once. Too many to survive. The firing continued for a while. It was their decoy. They made a dash towards the woods. It was quite simple then. But their souls were burdened. Their legs seemed to be frozen. How could he? They had lost him. He was not going to return to them, just like he used to. He had not left a single man behind. But they knew that they had. They just couldn’t return. They couldn’t go back to the enemy and die. They had to live up for this sacrifice. This is the point when I guess you envy those who had died already. This is the time when you pity your life. Life, which has been just gifted to you. But the price you pay for it was far more than death itself. They looked down each other’s eyes, just to catch a glimpse of their buddy in their memories. They promised, an unsaid promised, to each other that they would return to his family, and do all that they can. Unfortunately, they were left alive to tell this story. And they had to. As those heave foot steps rose, something heavier came crashing down the bushes and fell with a giant thud in front of them. He was alive! God knows how! May be they were seeing things. They confirmed. He was alive. But worse than dead. They had no time to waste. They had to rush him back. May be for once, they thought their prayers were answered. And in their silent rejoice, they began to lift him up on their shoulders. His march of triumph. Their march of victory and bravery. And suddenly, there came more gunshots and a lot many foot steps were heard near by. All of them reached the spot. They found the half dead soldier deserted. He was half alive. He cried with one eye. They were the bitter tears. Or may be they were tears of satisfaction, having saved his comrades. Nonetheless, those were the last things that came out of his eyes, before life went out of them. They shot him in the head this time, and returned. It was their victory march.

Adversity makes the best of friends

Death decides who stay till the end

The other way round…

2007-10-14T05:01:00.000-07:00

11^th October, 2007

You walk into any suburban restaurant, and make a visit to the washroom. You walk in with a lot of thoughts. You are pre-occupied in your own world of worries and glories, of realities and stories. You try to remove everything out of your system, good, bad, food, water and even alcohol. With your refreshed body, mind and soul you make your way to the wash sink. Nine out of ten times, you would always be staring at angles within the mirror, while your hands guide themselves to the tap. The self appreciation continues as you struggle to let the water run on your palm, but to no effect. This disturbs and frustrates you, and you are broken from the self engaged spell. That is when you stare down to realize, that you were trying to open the tap in the wrong direction. The tap moves the other way round. So does life.

How many times do we try to predict the direction of the tap? And how many times are we proved wrong? Even if your answer is “not many”, just think about it again. Cause this is no ordinary tap. It is the tap of life. The tap that does not hold what has happened and gone. But rather, it stores what will happen, and what is on. But the fact is you don’t know. Just like sometimes you are unaware if the water is going to be cold or hot, the force would be strong or meager and the water would be hard or soft, the same relates to life. Sometimes, the tap may not have water at all. Water symbolized life, didn’t it? Well, it does fit here well. Just like water run out of the tap, your life runs out of you. It constantly does. Sometimes the tap leaks too. And you are not bothered. Life leaks out of us, drop by drop, and sometimes in full force. And all the while we try to sit with our eyes set on the mirror, thinking about what “was” and what “will be”, rather than seeing what you are losing at hand “now”.

And as far as interpreting life is concerned, think about it again. It all began when I though I would be an engineer. This was when I was insane enough to “think” about my future and especially career. I had fared not so good in my High School exams. Still, to make my parents proud and to cherish that faint little dream of mine, I got those engineering forms. I filled them up, and even submitted them. The tap was flowing, and all I was looking at was my failure (not literal) at this level, and its impact that would be on my future. The tap was flowing. Turn of events as it would be, those forms got cancelled for some reason and the University printed them again. I had to go and get the new ones, fill them up and re-submit them. That is when it struck to me, that there was some uneasiness. A voice always warned me against doing this. And I decided not to. I listened to the voice. With weird parameters in mind, I made the choice of joining a normal graduation in IT course. I never regretted it. I made the choice of a lifetime. Never aware where I am headed, and when I thought I was going one way, I actually went the other way round.

Again, I never knew that I would be studying further than that. I always believed that I am not meant for studying further. Now I can say it was more of a perception that got turned the other way round. I did study further and ever since I have realized one thing for sure, I don’t predict life. Not because it cannot be predicted. May be, it can. However, life is something not worth predicting. Life is that thing, whose surprise element is the best essence. I would love to have my life as unpredictable as it can get, and it has been that so far, honestly. Life spins around 180, when you are least anticipating. Many people whom I used to dislike before, are like my closest pals now. And may be even vice versa. It is not a rule, but it is very much true. There is nothing like “Permanent” in this world. And by Good Will’s grace, I have the best set of friends I would ever get. Of all the uncertainties in life, this one really is the dearest to me. I know that these people would also go away someday. May be not. May be I would go away from them. May be not. All I know is, it is not known. And all I know is, I am not trying to find out. I don’t want to waste my “now”, and let the water of life to run away down the drain, just like that. I know I anticipate good times to stay and bad times to go away. But as I move on, my definition of good and bad keeps on changing. So sometimes, things remain as they are, and I turn the other way round. Sometimes, I think I am going straight, but things start going, the other way round.

Life, Oh life, I would not know what you hide…

Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I cry, I give up sometimes, and sometimes I try.

But life, you are so different every other time,

You turn the other way round, and take me for a ride

Hutch is now Vodafone!

2007-10-03T08:48:00.000-07:00

3rd October, 2007

Change is good. More than that, change is Omni-present, always happening, mostly undesired, strongly noticed but hardly acknowledged and appreciated. Of course all this is debatable. Now, when you see the loved-by-millions-of-girls-world-over dog, rolling about in a red blanket, or coming out of a red dog-house, suggesting he is not even bothered by the take over of Hutch by Vodafone, you are made to believe that the change is actually not there. Why is that so? If change is really good, why are you trying so hard to convince that there is hardly any change at all? The Vodafone take over of Hutch, is just another symbolic representation of the Big-fish-ate a very popular small fish!! So now, all that is visible is the big fish. However, there are these desperate measures for retaining the characteristics of the small fish on the outside. To convince people, nothing has changed, it is just the same.

However, it is not. Hutch is now Vodafone. It is not Hutch anymore. The all popular tune, “You and I …. In this beautiful world”, is changed a little. I don’t see the kid anywhere. And the service is bound to be different. Schemes will be different. All an all, now when you call up the CSR, he will greet you with “Vodafone Service center welcomes you!” Aren’t all these big time changes? Already almost all the hoardings bearing Hutch’s recently revived logos are off to the ground, eagerly replaced by the all new (in India) Vodafone. There is no Hutch anymore. It is dead and swallowed. People forgot Orange. People will move on with Hutch too. They will move on with this change. They just need to be convinced though that there is no change at all!! Change is good.

How many times have you been faced with the slapping accuse: “You have changed, you are not the same anymore.”? And that is from all the departments, your parents, girlfriends/boyfriends/friends. You are almost very often pounded with this million dollar blame. They say, there is a thin line between change and evolve. I disagree. I say, we conveniently use “evolve” for us humans, and “change” for inanimate things. Both mean the same. In both cases, the end result is different than the original, and it could be good, better, best or bad, worse, and worst! Every moment is learning for us. Our thoughts, our philosophies, well-established beliefs and principles as well as our perceptions of life, people and ourselves keep on changing / evolving. One moment you hate non-vegetarian food and you preach against it. Next moment, you laugh out at people who don’t eat the same while hogging like a pig on a pig. One moment smoking is injurious and people are stupid to reduce their living days like that. The next, you blow smoke at your colleagues face since he doesn’t smoke and you get sadistic pleasure from doing so. One moment we think Gandhigiri is magic. The other, we feel like beating up the crap out of a person who abused you. Life is like that. Ever changing and evolving. Dynamic, never static. You like the rain sometimes, then it’s the sun. Your perceptions of good and bad, right and wrong, do’s and don’ts swivel around so drastically. Don’t they? Therefore, the statement “I am ….. “ is very time-bound. True only for that moment. Later on, it’s something different. And trust me, we always do what Vodafone does. We constantly try to convince that there has been no change. May be, our mind is not made to register change on our own part. It is definitely built to sniff out the slightest of change anywhere, elsewhere.

I might tell you it is wrong, now, and correct myself later. Or vice versa. I am not sure. All I know for sure is, it is there, it happens throughout and it happens to every-damn-body, every now and then. It’s better then, to focus on better things in life. It is better to accept it. It is better to stick to the positive of every new version of a person, taste, or a mobile connection. On positives, change is good. To give life it’s dynamic quality, change is essential. And to be brutally honest, change is the reality of life. So next time you find yourself believing someone who says “I am sure I will not change”, you are in for a nasty ride. One, for believing him and two, for expecting him to not to change. I guess, next time someone blames you of having changed, all you need to say is “Hutch is now Vodafone, and change is good!”

The answer to why have you changed is very straight forward,
“Because I didn’t want to wear the same clothes again!”
Change is because my soul absorbs and learns,
I can’t help it, sometimes it heals, sometimes it burns!

Conveniently Numb

2007-10-01T08:33:00.000-07:00

1st October, 2007

It is an all time Pink Floyd classic. It is my all time favorite. I have this genuine sadistic liking for the song, the lyrics somehow run directly in my veins. I picture myself singing this song, and what I get to see, is how this guy has become comfortable and immune in spite of the always-existent pain. Some childhood trauma, which he again and again goes through, re-lives and re-dies through it. And now, it has become a part of him. Or, it might be that he has become a part of it. Whatever he might do, wherever he might go, the sickness is there with him. And he has settled down with it. He has become comfortable with it. He has indeed become Comfortably Numb!

However, we are in a free world. We interpret things most likely the way we want to. In fact, isn’t it true that we see the world exactly as we want to? So, we come down to this peculiar kind of species who really take Pink Floyd’s to an altogether different level. These are the talented, dignified, real-life drama artists, who are pretentious. These are the ones, who have the capacity and courage to hold onto every disease (sickness) that flows through the air, water, food, work, thoughts, talks etc. Yes, everything makes them feel sick. Everything makes them genuinely unhappy. Every evening they find something to cry about. Every morning, they gear up for the show. And every evening, they have their kitty filled with sympathies. Yes, these are the suckers of sympathy, and trust me; they make a living out of it. More sadly though, they make friends out of it. They make relationships. These people have made Pink Floyd’s sound like: I have comfortably held onto sickness, and I am not letting go.

ATTENTION: It is obvious why people would do all this. It is shocking that they have time and space in their lives to do all this drama. Bribe and sympathy are both somehow similar though. I find both the giver and the taker at offense. So, when a person is constantly unhappy, and you are friends with him, at least be friendly enough to tell him that nothing is wrong with him. Take a firm stance and put him out of his non-existent misery. Sympathy is very volatile. And when it goes away, what are left behind are bitterness and a hurt feeling. So understand that the road of sympathy is taking you directly to the pits. Even when a kid falls down and is genuinely hurt, we tell him that nothing has happened. That, at least saves him from crying his heart out. For me, the rules have been simple. I have put such people out of my life, comfortably. I have no time to pretend. I have no time to watch your show or put up a show myself. And I never have the veil of sympathy on my shelf. I never want it. I will never have it. And definitely, I can never offer it to you! Life is too short for all this. I know people achieve great deals like this. I find it too hollow though, and it’s me to myself. All I want to say is, you can stop yourselves from being Comfortably Dumb, when some jerk is behaving Comfortably Numb.

I have chosen to be this way.
And never will I change.
I am good when I am sad,
In happiness, I feel strange

Half stomachs full

2007-09-27T08:49:00.000-07:00

19th September, 2007

We have a knack of remembering “that first time” of almost everything, don’t we? First baby step, first words, first fall, first car, bike, first prize, first girlfriend/boyfriend, first date, first kiss so on so forth. We almost always celebrate the firsts. We feel incomplete without acknowledging the firsts over and over again. They are those moments, to whom we choose to hang onto, so that they help us when we need it the most. However, there are other firsts - the first failure, the first accident, the first heart-break, the first heart-ache and of course, the first day at the first job. I guess finally we have arrived at the topic. Here it goes.

On the first day of the first job, I think one simply feels non-existent. We become a part of this mammoth machine that has been working without you, and now, will continue to, with or without you. You become a part of this rat race, but the other rats don’t even notice you. It may be because you are not running. Or it may be because all rats look alike. Or, it is the fact that you are such a miniscule part of the entire structure, that it’s more like growing another hair in the beard, or rather head or worse, anywhere on the body. That is how my first day felt like. It was on this day that I found out my affinity to wind, rain, sunlight and nature itself. I also realized that I hate air conditioning. So what if just minutes before entering this building for the first time I was cribbing about too much heat (goes the sun), excessive rains (rains gone too). And believe me; I realized that I need some work to keep myself busy. I don’t know where that came from, but it struck me and shook me to my very foundation. I continued being a ghost that I was supposed to be, throughout my first day at my first job.

So on an alien abducted corporate & Techie Island, I did feel like Robinson Crusoe in the first week. He was, however the king of his island. I wasn’t. One thing common between him and me though is that we both had to learn a lot. And I have no clue where to begin from. I always thought one thing makes me the most comfortable, and that is food. Rushing to the cafeteria, I checked with myself again. Was that true? I felt more nervous there. The food hardly went down the food pipe, may be because there was a big lump at my Adam’s apple. It was the lump of nervousness. My first week at the job was full of wait time. Some people call it the bench. I call it that wait, where guys like Shaheed Bhagat Singh, Patel and Napoleon started reading and writing stuff to cut and kill time. I, started writing this. However, what they waited for was something I relate my wait to more! I knew that these hours of silence, the extra cold AC and the lifeless people around are all warning signs. These are signs of things to come. Signs of what I am about to be molded into. And my job was to wait for these things to happen to me. I also remember how clips of Pink Floyd’s classic “Another Brick in the Wall” danced around in front of my eyes. I was, in fact, just another brick in like the Great Wall of China.

I really enjoyed the way my mind kept on playing with me, throughout the first week of my job. Most of the times I was idle, and now I am indeed the owner of the Devil’s workshop. However, the devil is on me itself. I still get that sick feeling when I visit the cafeteria (once in a day, for lunch). May be because for now, I feel I don’t deserve it (though I pay for it). Or it may be because I am still the stranger in this familiar place. Or may be, just because I have yet to be familiar at this strange place. I have never sacrificed or even compromised on my meals. However, after coming here, until now at least, I find myself contented with only half the stomach full. It’s a different story altogether once I reach home, still. For now, if I allow all the evil inside my mind to rest and ignore all that I think and feel, then I can describe these days of anxiety as those days when I used to be “half stomachs full”! And I somewhat have this crazy feeling, that the other half is only to be filled with work, work and more dignified work.

I have spread my wings, but there’s no wind to fly
I take a look down, and I still, see the sky

Turn off life

2007-09-22T23:04:00.000-07:00

23rd September 2007

The entire stadium erupts. He knows they are shouting for him. Who else? Vincent Beckham, or rather "Crazor", was a speed demon. An icon. His car never seemed to touch the ground. It flew. He was indeed a phenomena. And this, was just another race for him. Just yet another day. He knew the track just as well as he would navigate around in his house, while sleepwalking. Everbody knew it was his baby. He knew it. I guess even the cars knew it!

However, it is funny how the mind works. Mind has the power to negate and to terminate, and power casts a control. So there was no doubting the fact that Vincent was dead nervous. Ferocious vultures were hunting inside his stomach, for the butterflies and the rats. Big drops of sweat were tickling down his neck, after getting accumulated for a while under the helmet. It wasn't a sunny day. Sun didn't even bother to show up from amidst the dark clouds. I guess even he knew it. There was a raring competition between shouts and slogans of "Crazor" and the banners of the same. Everybody had turned up for a show. Adrenaline was flowing through the men and their cars. The anticipation made the atmosphere so electric, sparks flew from the audience. The entire stadium had generated a force so high, it was yelling at the ears. Deafening. It drived everyone more and more crazy. However, one place was dead silent. Almost like a graveyard. Not even the sound of the wind. May be the way dead people feel when wind blows out of them. Something a deaf might appreciate when alive. Something where silence weighs, in tonnes. Unbearably, silence was screaming in full gore, pounding like a hammer. Continuous and far stretched. One thing kept haunting Vincent. A thing of a very recent past.

The track was not one of his favourites may be. And he knew he had to put up a show. His beloved was watching him, somewhere, he knew. His daughter must be blowing kisses at him. He needed those. He needed to calm down his shaky feet. Or may be his shivering body. Or his unstable mind. He wanted to run away, atleast he wished he could. To some place where quiet feels good. Or it atleast didn't stab and poke at you. Life is so lively when you are unprepared...

A loud whistle got him back to reality. A few seconds later there was the gunshot. Split seconds and everyone disappears from the start line. He is at the lead. He has always been. Running smooth as silk and oil, the road and the wind offered no resistance to him and his car. Out of respect may be. Speed thrilled him. And funny, but it kind of chilled his mind. But who knows how a mind looks like? Who knows how many mysterious corridors, chambers and dungeons are built around in there? And then you hear a scream from one of the dungeons. Terrifying and painful. A torturous scream from nowhere. It feels real. Images flash rapidly in front of his eyes. Everything else blurs in the background. May be its the speed. He sees images of the track, the dark dungeon, the wretched relationship, the fight, his sweetheart crying, the track again, the opponents, the audience almost spilling out on the track, fear of the track and then the track again. Images fly faster as the car pushes further. The mind was in chaos. The mind was the master. Now, he knew it. It was there. The end of the road.

It wasn't an end, was it? It was just another bend. Just another curve. But it was his most dreaded curve. He saw bloody images. Fast and gruesome. News headlines made flashes in his head: "Crazored a fan!!", "Killer on wheels!", "So much for loving you". He had won that race. But he had still run over. Though it wasn't his fault, one life was lost. Just like that. No matter how remorsefu you feel, memory haunts. The stains on the windshield began to re-emerge. He felt short of breath yet again, and he skipped a few beats. He yelled, just for himself to hear. He turned with full force. May be it was half full. But it wasn't enough. A giant thud, followed by a gush of wind and an air-borne feeling. The perfect silence before the storm. And next moment, everything around him seemed to be piercing right into him. Glass, metal, fire, the road itself. All went inside, pushing everything that was inside out. Suddenly, it felt like he had dived right into the sun. Blazes and smoke everywhere. Shattered debris of life may be. Yes, death is so lively when you are unprepared...

And then he swooshed towards the left, avoiding the speedster on his tail and the chequered flag wavd right into his face. Uproar, kisses, balloons went high in the sky. The excitement of the audience blasted like gun powder. Cheers and shouts. However, he cannot hear the chants properly. What is that name? He waves at them all, but their eyes penetrated right through him. As if, he was not there. I remember the news headline that year, "Don't bend it like Beckham, or you end it like Beckham!"

Life is full of turns,
People try again and again, at that one turn of life!
People die again and again, at that one turn of life!

Sew-Age Machines.

2007-08-05T00:59:00.000-07:00

5th August, 2007

When you look at a city from the bird's eye view, everything down there looks so fabulous. I guess that is what prompts birds to drop their riches and treasures almost all over the place. Lowering our altitude a little, we realize that the city is well-not-so-much-bad. And finally when we zoom down to the streets, nooks and corners, the omnipresent garbage dumps, the filth all over, that is when we realize that all that glitters is not really gold. Infact, all that glitters is practically in this case all that litters!

But then, every now and then Government, or some NGO, or some group of revolutionaries come up with social programs, to wipe away the filth (not from the roads, but more from their own names and brand images!). So that is that. When it comes to humans, the entire system is other way round. When you generally look at some, or spot a stranger, make a note of the thoughts that run in your mind. Usually negative (I will bash my mind badly if its only him that thinks so!). We would mock the person, or criticise his dressing sense, his eating habit, his gang of friends, every little bit of him is like covered with filth for us. This is from a distance. We judge people. More often than not, these judgements suck. Because the judging criteria sucks. We judge people by their looks. By even the looks of the people the person in concern walks and talks with. We judge by factors that may not be with the person by his choice, but rather something that is with him in his blood and soul. How sick is that? And who are we to judge someone? Be at the recieving end and you understand that yes, it hurts. Badly. I don't mean to say don't judge anyone. It is like saying don't stare at that woman, or don't drink, don't smoke, don't live or don't die. No. Its everyone's perspective and the world is perfect. All I say is with all this filth in our mind, our analytical ability has been spoilt beyond repair. We are wearing dark aviators, in the moon-less night, and the light is out. And more, we are wearing these designer glasses by "Perceptor" universal. Perception. The black dot in the white. The darkness under the light. The half empty glass. The pain in the ass.

What happens when we approach such a person? When we actually come up-close and personal? You see the person then. It's like a transformation. The person is where he was. You have moved to a better view. And from a "better" view, everything looks better. This change of view point is not miraculous at all. It is like that just another thing. When we stare from a long distance, we are not sure. Is that a bird? Is that a plane. And as the distance reduces, and we are close enough for identification and recognition, we see that "Its superman!!". You know, when from a distance sometimes we don't identify even our friend, or brother, girl friend or a fierce enemy. And then when we approach, we are able to recognize. The same thing happens with a stranger, but on a different level. It happens on what I call is the Inside-the-body experience or in simpler words the gut feeling. When you approach a stranger, your gut breaks your perception. Approach. It does wonders. I have changed my initial perception about almost a hundred people now. And am glad I did. If not me then who? If not you then who? If not us then who? Lets wipe out this filth that we are bearing in our minds. These blockages. I know who I am. I don't know others. And I would not judge someone for that reason. If I am interested, I will find out about the person and then make an opinion about it. Otherwise, I would simply not bother for the person. Who says that we have to talk to every possible person? But lets not corrupt our mindsets. Rather than new-age beings, we have become sewage beings. We have to go down our minds ourselves, and clean this shit with our own hands. Because, we are the species that spreads the maximum of filth around. But then don't we keep our home clean? So, lets keep our thoughts clean. Lets be open to the world.

I see from long and make blunders.

Am lost in you eyes, and I see wonders!

No looking back!

2007-08-02T09:56:00.000-07:00

2nd August, 2007

We live in a tech-savy world. And we have applied ourselves - mind, body and soul, so much on technology that many a times I have found people wondering, cribbing, and debating about why there is no option to undo things in our life. I can undo anything and everything in technology with or without the desired result. In fact, I see technology as a constant and common mistaker, who always corrects itself, undos itself and we call it new, improved and advanced technology. I have always compared life to a computer game, but the one with no "save" option. You go on, till you go on. You die when you die.

Coming to the point of debate. I have realized in my life, that we actually spend all the time trying to undo some or the other mistake that we committed, so that it does help make our future better. One, tell me then how fucked up is your present then? And two, dude, what future are you talking about? Aren't we just stuck in our past? Stuck in what has happened? Life is something that I would always relate to or define as forward movement. That's about it. Moving on, learning from our mistakes, trying not to get caught in the same shit again and just moving on again. And how good that would be if you are trying to race your car in the top gear but facing backwards to the road you just travelled on? Dude, you will surely miss that hot lady waiting for a lift, or that no-entry sign, or the road itself. You would not know where you going, which graduates in you having no clue where you are! You are just watching some movie that is happening, not knowing that you were supposed to act in it. You were the hero, not the audience. So? When do we look forward? All the time. All the while.

Here it is straight in your face. I have hurt you, sorry, but I cannot take it back. Meaning, I can't do anything about it. I cannot go back in time and play it again, this time right. I cannot take back the way you felt or feel. I cannot tell you that this never happened. So, hurt me back, leave it, sulk, cry, make me cry, leave me, walk with me, whatever it is we are moving on. You hurt me. Ditto. I failed a test. I couldn't become a doctor, I could not wish you on your birthday, I couldn't think of you, I couldn't like you, I couldn't hate you, I just couldn't. Still, move on. Take a note of what has happened. Just like you keep in mind that you have to take a bath today, or brush your teeth today, or wash your hands after ...... well regularly. Just tell yourself you wont do it again. What more, you might do it again as well. Again try to tell yourself I will not do this again. But for God's sake, move on. I don't know how to tell you that life is really short, but I would definitely tell you, life is that thing, when it slips out of your hands, you don't have anything left to know that she is gone. So much to be done. So much to achieve. So much to gain and lose. So much to fight and win. Think of yourself as the soldier in a battle. Look at yourself as the animal in the wild. Bruised, battered, hurt, shatterd, we just keep moving on. Cause the moment we stop, is the moment we stop, forever. I am hurt. I am moving on. No kidding. I am living.

I will like you to remember 3 things. Very important. One day, someday we will become as old as we could get. Opening an eye lid would be the excercise for the day, so forget even winking at some chick. Two, after I die, where am I? All theories, but nobody knows. I wouldn't let go of something that I have (read life) for something that people think might, tiny-winy possiblity, be (read life after death). I have found existence and an identity. I will live till I die.

I am hurt, I am moving on.
Life, I am living on.

Bruised and battered, we follow you lead
We keep on living, until we are dead.

When the wind shook the old tree..

2007-07-24T06:42:00.000-07:00

24th July, 2007

I am a very pampered child. And I really had a very easy going childhood. No less than a prince, just that the magnitude of my forefatherly riches was ridiculously under scaled. I don't know how, but I got my way through. Everywhere. Everytime. And I never sat back to think WHY? But then its me, and how many times in my life have I sat down to think? Well now I have, and I got a new view to it. Wonder how thinking helps.

Today I miss both my grandfathers (maternal and paternal). Their lives always amused me, and as a child I was curious. Also, my grandfathers were a little fancy. I got to know so little, practically nothing about them, and still today, I am so inspired. It was those little meetings, when I was so little, that really made a difference. They were from an altogether different era. And more importantly from the pre-independence era. For me, then, anybody dating back the independence of India was a freedom fighter. And so, the added respect! And they were older than I could imagine off the history text books, I mean much of the stories in there were live breaking news for them once! That developed somewhat an interest in me. But then, there was also this dramatic (but very real) stuff, that made their lives that thing of which great movies are made of.

My maternal grandad is the most intelligent person I have personally come across. Vision of the future, cunningly street smart in the present, harsh when the need is to be and above all, a real family man. He drove his family, supported it every which way, but never let the "little-comforts" become lavish. In fact, he prefered a little discomfort than painting a rosy picture of life, which it never was. He steered not only his life, but that of his wife, one son and 3 daughters. In the era when girls were really considered as burden (very mean and sick, but was true then), his proud possession and treasure were his 3 daughters. Never did he treated his son different than the daughters. And that explains why my mother has such great amount of respect for him. True to the fact, all his daughters returned his favours by making him a proud father. Studied hard, worked harder. Became self-supporting at a very young age. Gave the old man something to be happy for, till the end. He was a cricket buff, and nobody would beat him at his knowledge in cricket. Due to his age, he used to stand crooked in the back, and we used to call him a "wicket-keeper"! He anticipated problems so far beyond, and made provisions for his family in such a manner, I always thought he had the copy of "The book of life" and knew exactly what life is in for, the very next moment. I have never seen such domination over life. I have never seen such simplicity in an excellent and out of this world thought process. I have never seen luck and destiny so helpless and useless, as this Man continuously defied them and always got what he desired. May be it was the ambition, and the realism in it. May be, it was more of the soul than the body. All I know is, he was my grandad, and whenever I want to look upto someone, I just don't have to look anywhere beyond.

My paternal grandad: long beard (reached till the chest), still longer hair, all silky white, white clothes, one sack that carried all his belongings, that is how I always saw him. Always. Amusingly, as far as I know, my family were me, mom & dad, brother, uncle and grandmom. I never knew who or where is my grandad. At that age, I guess it never even occured to me. And I didn't bother. However, I always remembered the above described person visiting us say once every 3 months. He used to get me some toffee. I used to be more than contented with that. However, some turn of events, and one day that person came home and did not go back. He came home to stay. My father introduced him to me as his father (my grandad). And still, I guess I never bothered. He continued staying with us till the end. There were always some cold vibes in the house, I have no clue why. Some bitter history I still don't know about. But there was despise. There was a little hatred. Above all, there was never a connection. Again, it never bothered me. I played with him as a child does with his grandfather. He resembled Gandalf, the wizard a lot. And when I saw the Lord of the Ring series, I was reminded of him. I don't know if in that little span I even got to know him as a person. But there was one thing I knew. He was so old, he could barely walk. But every morning, he used to board a packed-to-the-core local form Borivili station till Lower Parel, and come back in the evening. And that is one feat I have no idea how he managed. And if this is all I know about this person, I would like to infer that he was and must have been bold and courageous, and very playful. But, he always remained a mystery to me. And now, the mystery is no longer there.

I used to look at both of my grandfathers and get a view of the other side of life. Something we never want to imagine ourselves in. When I was beginning this journey, they gave me the look and feel of how the end looks like. I could however feel the existence of tremendous knowledge from lessons learnt in life, just in their very presence. They were inspirational. Life had battered them. The storms had shattered the life out of them. But they held tightly, to life and to family. And they held their heads high. I would always remember them through the stories that I still hear from my mom & my dad. I would always look upon them as those leaves who finally dried and fell off, when the wind shook the tree...

Lost and far, but I dream about you
You taught me to live, and I live without you

My Life's an Oligopoly

2007-07-22T02:25:00.000-07:00

22nd July, 2007

This one year at SPJIMR has really taught me a lot of stuff. But the beginning and the end is all that lasts in one's mind (a subjective statement). So it all began, a little more than a year back, we had started with Management subjects then, the core competency of this institute. Had fun, since that was the first time I was touching management, and she (again subjective) really felt good. The best part about management subjects was, that my brain worked like a poor fisherman's net while grasping them. So, as much as my net could catch onto, and out of that as much as I could carry with me, I feel more than satisfied. I merely scrapped through my exams, and again, I was more than pleased to having scored 0.05 credits more than the "minimum" required. But from that, I could really manage to give my life a little blend of the micro amount of management I learnt. And so, today I say, my life is an oligopoly!

In one line, oligopoly is the kind of competition when there are few giants in the markets and they more or less have hold on the "almost" entire market share, which is again more or less divided equally among them. If you didn't understand this, try reading the above two lines twice or thrice more. After that, atleast say that you understood, have some self-respect. That funda, really translates cent-percent in my life (very subjective, read Loka's life). I have always been of the opinion that at any given point in time, you have a few big players in your life, who dominate the thoughts, the energy and the time of your life. Those are the people who really rule over the market of your "life" and you and your life revolves and eveloves happily around them. Hmm ... I can see a few raised eye brows. What about the gang of people whom we tend to hangout with most of the time? You bet you care for almost everyone if not all of them. True. But think about it again. Here's a scenario. You are really sick, and at that time somebody requires you to do some physical task for them. Trust me, you won't do it for everyone. Or you are really broke and you hate a particular genre of the film. Yet if you go and watch it, it would be for a few people (yourself included, ofcourse), but never for all of them. It is the bitter truth, and yet the sweeter fruit of life. Because though this is not projecting your other relationships in a very good light, it is however, making things easy for you, since taking care of a few people is atleast thinkably manageable.

This has occured to me the very moment I learnt about Oligopoly. All fundas are derived from life. And we derive life out from these fundas too. So did I. I propose that at a given time, you have 4 poeple whom you really care about. In my list of four (yeah, you can say I am stupid to even have a list, or selfish, but I have one!) friends, I am included. And its not just the four friends. Our life becomes an aggregated version of those 4 lives and all other lives connected to each of those 4. It is then, a story of these 4 people and anything that happens to anybody of them, or to whom they know, or they care about. And if you sum that up, life really becomes huge. I think I have my hands full with my 3 friends and me. I have enough at hands to keep me busy, enough at mind to think about and still remain sane, and enough in the heart to care and worry but still not fail. I am not offering anyone of you this funda. I am just telling you, that this is my mantra of life. I just think I found an around-the-bush way of saying that in life, you cannot filter the list of people you care about. You cannot categorize it. You cannot make a permanent list. It is absoultely senseless to have a funda like this, may be. All I am saying is, atleast these 4 pillars, will become the strength and power, the reason and support of this big unamanageable, tricky, slippery but yet adventurous, thrilling and lively platform, of my life.

If my life is the chariot amidst the bloodshed at Kurukshetra,

I choose 4 horses, who will guide it through.

I dont need Krishna then, nor do I need my bow and my arrows

All I need is just me and you

Nothing Much

2007-07-21T04:48:00.000-07:00

21st July 2007

She was a little skeptic about it. Things had become a little uncomfortable to believe in just like that. You know, when you stare at a capsule for a few moments before swallowing it. You have no clue what's inside, and more, what it would do to you once inside. But she knew that she was going ahead with this. She had told herself, there's no looking back now. There was. She just didn't want to.

There was always some voice in the head. She knew that the voice spoke to her, and was very familiar with her. But now there were many voices. Like a crowded stadium, looking down at brave barbarians defeating a ferocious beast. Chaos. She would move around, thinking about nothing else but this. It was like air. Never to be seen, but always there, in your face. Or rather it was like hope. You always carry it, but never know that it's there. It was there. Bothered her like anything. She didn't remember the last time when she looked in the mirror and saw herself. She was looking for something so much, for so long. But then, didn't that completely belong to her all the while? It did, indeed. But when you have something and it still isn't yours, you know how it feels. So you know how she felt. She still carried on. Not that she had to. But she was. She slowly looked down at her open palm. There were droplets. Tears or sweat, no way to know. Life is confusing when you have no where to go. Or rather more confusing when you have too many options. She wasn't sure if there were other options. She had. She was at crossroads. But remember, she wasn't gonna look back. She had told herself.

Darkness. It calms you down. So much that you hear your own heartbeats. She could hear two. Something, someone, always there. But she never felt scared. Rather secured. Life goes so slow sometimes, you feel stuck. Or is it that it is so fast that you are numb? The warmth of a familiar breath, and suddenly you feel relaxed. Sweat droplets on your forehead begin to cool you down. She realizes that the voices in her head are dying out. May be the stadium is emptying, may be she has moved far away from it. But the voices are nearly dead. Two voices remain. They tell her everything shall be alright. She believes them. She always has, hasn't she? The chaos reduces, and she feels the softness of the bed under her. She knows she is safe. She is hugging someone. Warm lips touch her on the forehead, and her eyes open to a very warm smile. One of the voices in her head says, "What happened sweetheart, you look tensed?". She pulls the voice closer to her, holding on tight. All she knows is, she is glad to say, "Nothing much". The voice goes far. The bed is cold again. She gets up with a smile. And she gets going. But someone, somebody familiar, is there. Someone who knows better than "nothing much". Someone, who is always there.

Life is very much a dream.
Death may be the reality, but the dream lives on.

Jack of "Fall" trades!!

2007-07-19T22:28:00.000-07:00

20th July, 2007

Remember what happened when Jack and Jill both went to fetch water from the well? Yup. They fell. First to go down was Jack, and Jill came tumbling after. Jack has been the master of all falls. He has fallen time and again. And every time he fell, he rose in terms of respect that I have for him. Every time Jack fell, I learnt a lesson. An important one. My life is being continuously moulded by this sculptor, called Jack. We have all fallen some or the other way so many times, that it would be foolish to count. But those falls ended up in we either crying, bruised, hurt, embarassed........We never learnt anything from them, did we? Infact, the only thing if some of us intelligent ones ever managed to learn from those falls is, How not to fall!! So, lets see what is it that poor Jack wants us to learn from his falls. My version of it. Am the Jack of my life.

First to go down: Jack of the "Jack & Jill" fame.
Jack took Jill up a hill, to fetch water from a well. Being Jack, he fell down, and hurt himself. But what I see here is he had such a friend in Jill, that she came rolling down too. Just like that. Is that stupid? I mean, when you fall, your friend should be standing atleast, so that he helps you on your feet. Right? But then, don't we say that friends walk together? No leader, no follower? So doesn't that mean walking together on a secluded beach, as well as walking together in a ditch. That is something that appealed to me. This triggers empathy on a deeper sense. In my article "Adversarily Yours", I mentioned that people who manage to share your pain are the ones who become dearest to you. The physical pain. And practically, nobody can share pain, unless you both fall. The idea that someone else is sharing the pain that you are in, reduces your pain to half. And no, this is not sadistic. Human nature. Take it or leave it, its there. So hats off to Jack, to have a friend like Jill.

Jack number two: Captain Jack Sparrow of the famous "Pirates of the Carribean" fame.
I am a big fan. And I guess I just spoke for half of the world's population. Isn't he a trend? Captain Jack Sparrow enticed me the day I saw the first of the three parts. All the pirates of the world, (including the "late" ones) must be so happy to see what this guy has done to their community. You hear children scream at their parents "I wanna be a pirate!". That says a lot. Captain Jack Sparrow has his own way of going about tasks. His style is what I call "errorneous" to perfection. Whenever he does, whatever he does, it seems like he intended doing something else. But how many people realized that Captain Jack is a perfect executioner (in the movie), and just creams it up with a cover of "timid"ly behavior. A perfect killer disguise, and fun to watch. And what more. The Captain has fallen literally thorughout all the movie. And he has come back. With a bang. So to make a comeback, you need to fall. Sounds like a play of words, but has hold true in my life. I have a few comebacks in my life so far, and not one came without a fall. And naturally, only the fallen rise.

The last Jack, and my biggest teacher of all times: Jack of "The Titanic" fame.
We all do a Titanic in our life. In fact, in every task that we do. "Doing a Titanic" is the best realization that I have come across in my life. Titanic, as I think about her now, seemed to be built to sink. I don't know why. But yes, it was as if in its destiny that it would sink on its premier voyage. May be, something that enormous, such hugely magnificent is just not bound to last. Vague. However, what I am coming at is, the end result of whatever we do, is the sinking of the titanic. So even if you succeed or fail, your Titanic sinks, because it is bound to. So the best we can do is, do what Jack did. He enjoyed (in every sense) his last ride on the queen of this planet (meaning Titanic and not Kare Winslet.) To the last moment. He lived his life as never before in that short ill-fated voyage. So do we grieve about the massive wonder on the sea submerging, or should we appreciate the happiness that life bestowed upon Jack before leaving him? Here, I wish to go 3 slices under the pie. Jack met the love of his life on the Titanic. He goofed around with her all over the ship. (In fact, from the movie I feel the Captain got digressed and that is why never saw the ice berg coming .... bloody jack!). So who knows which ice berg is waiting for our ship, in every task. So if by default we are gonna hit the ice berg and sink, lets make it a worthy ride upto the ice berg. What say? I wanna do what Jack did. I will fight till the end like Jack did. And in many battles of life, we lose. Many books say, don't give up, and thou passest through. Yeah, fair enough. After all, perseverance is not just a word. It means something. But then, how long should I try? What about the other ice bergs that wait for me? When would I see them? The line between "perseverance" and "getting stuck in life" is almost invisible. And I fear the latter. I am paranoid. So what do we do? I guess we all do what Jack did. We just have to let go of the plank.

I surpass this mountain, just to fall.
I lose it all. I win it all.

Mountains, make men silent!

2007-07-18T06:26:00.000-07:00

18th July, 2007

I have personally been on numerous treks. And trust me, am a big fan. I just love the rawness of it. You are out there in the wild, basically doing what your forefathers (chimps) did a lot. You just carry forward the legacy. I love those uphill tasks, here literally. The pain of climbing, the difficulty, the challenge as well as the adventure and thrill. Further more, you do all this and reach the top, and then ............. And then, you remain silent. Have you ever experienced that? Mountains make men silent. I don't know if this holds true for women too, who basically gallop around for anything, everything and nothing. But yes, mountains make men silent.

It is the enormity of things that leaves most of us spell bound. So, when you watch a peak lost in the clouds, or the depth of a valley, or a raging river, a calm sea, star-lit sky in a dark night, all of these just render you speechless. Don't they? Most of the times yes. It is because these phenomena are such vast in magnitude, that you start sinking into them. You take into your stride this mamothness, and that is what makes you go dead silent. And indeed, this is what I am talking about. Big things, make a big impact.

Now, I haven't personally accomplished many herculean tasks. Infact, I firmly believe that a task is Herculean in relative sense, and subjectively. But I guess what really prompted me to think over this line, or write all this is Nimitt. Its our corporate fest at SPJIMR, first of its kind in here. And we did it. We, as a batch did accomplish this herculean task. We took help and support from all possible corners, and we are glad we did that. But what went into making Nimitt what it became was tremendous amounts of committment, dedication, passion and desire. All this, combined with an unmeasurable amount of effort (sorry for exaggeration, but couldn't just quantify it), added with resistance from some fronts (has to be there right, old villain), we just did it. So as our anticipations went high, the curtains rolled up, and everything was set a night before, we could just sense it that this is BIG. HUGE. This was our mountain. And we reached the top, indeed. And then? We had a rocking DJ party, where we danced like crazy wild animals, let loose after a long time. But was that rejoice? Not really. It was just the stress coming out. It was just the beats getting on our minds. It was trance, not rejoice. And guess what? After all this, I went silent. Dead silent. I felt as if the time had frozen around me, and the entire universe has ceased in the moment, to congratulate me. The air felt soft and breezy as I inhaled, and I was very much aware of my breathing. My mind was not blank, but I am sure it had nothing in it. A distant ringing of bells outside the temple seemed to be the only sound that made into my ears, to my mind, body and soul. Yes! We had made it. And here I was, rejoicing in victory, in full fledge, screaming ............ for no one to hear but me. Silence.

Your beauty is such, no words can tell.
My victory is such, only silence can tell.

MellowDrama

2007-07-08T06:21:00.000-07:00

8th July, 2007

I am unaware how long does dating date back. But I know, it is older than my thoughts can get, than the history that I have read, and it is far stretched beyond what I dream about the future. It is a beautiful thing, personally I feel (Aint the experience speaking, but the desire). So, is this article gonna describe the 1001 tested and proven ways to be the ideal date? Ofcourse not! Because one, there are an in-exhaustive number of ways to achieve that and two, I know none of those! This article rather describes the individuals that I have seen around me, who have been dating, mating and hating. Yes, the three phases of humanly love!

We live in a dramatic world, and dating is the largest stage possible to put on the best act ever. It is that time, when the entire world is watching us, and we still pretend to be lost in our own world. It is that time, when we are like the cat who drinks milk with eyes closed, so that the world won't see her. Or may be, it is that time when we hang upside down like bats, and think that the world has flipped over. Above all, it is that time, when blushing, dressing-up, staring-in-the-space, stupid-smile-on-the-face, smelling good, playing with food, untangling the hair, wishing that someone special was there, those ubearable but sweet waits, those mock fights when the other is late, the taxi drive in the rain, and that disappearing of pain, the choice of a gift takes hours, the offer of a lift and then the detours, when you love the moon and count the stars, just sitting and chatting those lonely hours ... yes, all of this happens.

Now lets just screw the flowery part, and get down to business. Dating is beautiful. It is that phase of us, when we don't expect. No expectations means, one: you get a lot without asking and two: no heart-break issues. You live, let live and actually enjoy it. You do everything else that you would normally do when you are not dating, that's the beauty of it. And then, you feel special. Very much. That's the gift of it. Most of the times, dates are harm less. It gets you catching the clock for that stroke of the hour, when you have scheduled the meet. It oozes out the sweetness in you, the anxiety and the pacing of the heart beats. Dating is indeed the proof, that we all are indeed in the pursuit of happiness. Dating gives us the best glimpse of it. So why pretend? Being someone else than what you actually are casts a black shadow on your date. The girl tries to play hard-to-get, the boy is all "I-will-win-the-world" types. All friends know about it, but still it is the big secret types. Both the daters behave as stupid as possible, and on top of that, think the world at large is stupid. And those smiles, laughs and giggles of stupidity. That is the melo-drama. It is so obvious, its tattooed all over their faces, and yet presumably hidden. This "act" is unjustifiable. But then, I assume thats how it is. Sometimes it gets on my nerves. But till now, it has'nt been much of my business. I guess its for all of us to understand, that this world is just a whirlpool of dates, mates and hates. We are sucked into it before we even realize. Mating and hating are the phases that I have deliberately put outside the scope of this document. We do both of that. May be more than dating itself. But those things come with a bundle that we call "hidden costs", and I dont wanna bear them as of now. My article is niether against nor pro dating. It is just there, just like all my prospect dates.

"I just want to sit next to you, and live my own life. It makes my life beautiful!"

Me, Mumbaikar!

2007-06-23T03:14:00.000-07:00

Dated Forever,

Mumbai Meri Jaan!

The sun rises to a surprise on this land. It finds many people already tired from their work on his arrival. It also finds many people just getting ready to sleep. Even at that hour, it catches a glimpse of people laughing their heart out. He also sees few people weeping somewhere in the corner. Here, the sun is welcome not with the chirping of birds and the fragrance of flowers. But rather, it hears the clashes of utensils, the fragrance of cooked food, the groans of angry people waiting in different queues, smoke from the cars, barking stray dogs, mooing cows, some quarrels in the street, a couple on the park bench, a child screaming for his breakfast, a father forgetting his breakfast at home, a mother who is getting late for work but has to look out after others in the family first, a grandfather reciting his prayers with a complete disregard to the chaos around, a new life been born, and another body put to rest. It rises to a home where 10 people come out of a single room, some smiling, some frowning, some yawning and some completely excited. You take a rickshaw to the station. And with thousands others, you make several attempts to board the train. But you get through. You get in the train, or sometimes on it, and sometimes somewhere around it. But you make it. Getting down is an effort again, but you make it. After all this fight you work for the whole day and through the same routine you come back home. But you make it. That’s what this city is about. It is a city where every one makes it. It is a city wherein everyone gets chances and opportunities to realize the best of their dreams. And just like you manage to do the impossible task of boarding the “no-vacancy” train, by the help of push from others, you manage all the other things. Just like that, with the help of the never-daunting, unbreakable and never-to-be-deteriorated spirit of Mumbai. This spirit gives life to the city. The city is alive and kicking, and it gives life to everyone, and sometimes even kicks a few. Out and out, a destination for many, a place where you can cherish your ambitions. The best thing about this city is it never loses hope. And never lets you lose hope.

Piss-hkyaaaw!!

2007-06-01T08:57:00.000-07:00

June 1st, 2007

God bless us all!

Have you ever been to any of the glam-sham Bombay's railway platforms? No. Not to see the crowd, the fight to get on the train, the stalls or anything else. But for the far stretched, literally from one end to the other of the almost a KM long platform, stink that dwells there, forever. Imagine the population of Bombay that travels daily by train. Lets consider at least half of them have used the public toilets there, at least once. But, I bet the toilet tiles have never been touched by anything but human-pee, spit and much more. Water, never. Not by chance. Such is the pathetic condition of those places. By God, once I HAD to be in one of them, or rather pee in one of them, and the excessive presence of ammonia in the air brought tears to my eyes. Yes, I have been there, done that. However, there was no other tap, to let in the other normal form of liquid!!

Now that, can be argued to be a 'real' public place. May be difficult or impossible to maintain, since the awareness among the people for public hygiene is as low as that of Mr. Bush, regarding where in this fucking world are the Weapons of Mass Destruction. Bush, however, is still 'trying' to find out. We are not bothered about hygiene. Let alone the railway platforms, I live in a hostel of a very reputed management institute in Bombay, and I guess the situation is no different. Rather than lack of awareness, the problem in here is the lack of sense of responsibility, sensibility, and for GOD's sake, lack of sanity. My ex-roomies, wherever they are now, must be literally rocking the house. Yes, they are couple of 25-27 years old, and like all humans of that age, use the loo very often. But they never use the flush at all. I wonder what stops them from disposing off their valuable treasures,that they accumulated over the day. Whatever, the reason is, I guess its my humble duty to dispose it off for them, before me passing on my treasure to the pit.

The thought behind this article is not to make it as gross as possible. Seriously no. Am in no kidding mood. It enrages me, like many others, when supposably responsible guys of this age would show so much disregard to such trivial but important manners. I mean, now-a-days, even dogs are trained to lift the seat and flush the toilet. Then how difficult is it for us to learn the same? Are we so much busy, that we will soon need to appoint people for these tasks? I hope not. And if people from my batch are reading this, I hope they shall oblige, and do the needful. As my batch mate had quoted rather famously, this is indeed a "loser's plea". God save us from this shit!

Also, if needed, arrange courses in personal hygiene, cleanliness, and anybody found guilty then, shall be executed at the first light of dawn!

Can't help mentioning, "Cleanliness is next to Godliness".
So for God's sake, keep it clean!

In GOD, We Trust

2007-06-01T08:55:00.000-07:00

May 31st, 2007

Divine Intervention!!

How many of us believe in GOD? How many different definition, premonitions, forms, prayers & worships do we see GOD in? Well this article won't dwell into any of those. In fact, here I am, sharing a small experience of mine, and leaving you guys to interpret it, as you may.

Agreed that I have my own notions about GOD. However, something added onto those, modified those and even to extent erased some of those. Here I was, at Bombay Central Railway Station, gone to drop my home-returning friend. Our vacations had just begun. All the excitement, and the anticipation had already had us all crazy. That day, I walked down a not-so-steep slope that lead away from the station platform. As I walked down, completely lost in my own self, I could not help but notice a man (labor worker), pulling a cart full of load, onto the platform. Routine job. They are the masters, toiling harder than a bull. Anticipating the slope properly, the guy broke into a sprint from about what seemed to be the right distance, to get the loaded cart over the slope, onto the platform. The sight was no less than watching some brave-heart warrior butchering his enemies in a Hollywood flick. The execution was flawless. Almost.

To my disbelief, the man succeeded as much as taking the cart to the tip of the slope. Having cleared the entire thing, but the tip, he was stuck. The cart couldn't be pulled, and the weight started pulling him back down the slope instead. He still tried with all his might. I was right there. It took me a fraction of a second, and an effort still less than that, just to go and give a gentle push to the cart. And the guy moved on with the cart. Onto the platform, over to his work. He never caught any glimpse of me. He in fact doesn't even know that there was a helping hand to this feat.

So what is it that I intend to speak about. My heroism? No. I thought about this incident from that man's point of view. He did his best, learned-over-time best to get the cart over the slope. And then got stuck. He applied his full might to prevent from falling back, and just at the time when it seemed that breath will give in, and strength will be lost, just about when the muscles were letting go, and the spirit was dampening, the cart moved. He cleared it! He experienced hidden strength. Or a divine touch! If at all he thought about it, his strength revived just when he needed it. Not to know that the burden had reduced! Can we call this the divine touch? Did GOD act through me at that place, to the plight of this worker?

"It also reminded me of a simple truth. Many a times, we believe we achieved something all on our own, just like this man here, not realizing the divine touch, or the support of others that helped us on the way. Not that we don't wanna acknowledge, it's just that we fail to see. Humble are those, therefore, who are filled with gratitude for all their feats, to their companions and the creator himself." (Pranav B, batch mate, interprets this!).

Is there something to think about? Or am I going nuts?
Whatever it might be, I am sure, In GOD We Trust!!

Yours Adversarily :(

2007-05-07T04:13:00.000-07:00

Who makes the best of friends?
Since my childhood days, or to that extent anyone else's, we grow up with different evolving pictures of friendship. We listen to bedtime stories about how two friends grew up together, we hear about one friend making sacrifices for the other, give and take life.......(phew!!). What always fascinated me was these pictures always failed to entice me. They never gave me even the slightest of ideas about what friendship is, nor did they excite me to do something drastic for a friend. But ever since, I was on this quest, or rather still am, to find or feel, this fever called friendship. For me, it was something that would come from the heart, always, and never something that existed between Jai and Veeru of Sholay fame.

The bond between Jai and Veeru was special alright. I don't doubt that. But there was always that element of unrealistic add-ons. Yeah it was that filmy thing, but still. This is one of the prime reasons why I am not with most of the people from my past. I never felt a connection. Not with everyone. The few exceptions are those who now are still there with me, and hold a special place in my life. This always made me think. Why? Why don't I settle down with every person I become friends with? Why do I demand someone to be true, or rather not fake, with me? Why do I expect? But I never found any answer. And I continued my quest. The path was difficult, since I was always ridiculed for being a selfish mean creature. I knew otherwise. I knew I was looking for someone. However, during all those years, of uncertainty, insult, as well as feeling of being lost, I developed a strong definition of friendship. I think I realized then, that what I was looking for is like the sea of tranquility. I doubted its existence.

My idea, that I finally developed and nurtured was, that I wanted that person whom I would never expect anything from. For whom, I would love giving all I have, and would make me feel happy. Someone with whom I do not associate boredom, or someone who makes me be me. Unrealistic, dream-like, but true. True because I found that person. I found what I desired. True friendship. It existed. It was there. It was mine. I was blessed. That one thing made me the happiest person, the jolliest man, a humble gentleman, a cry baby and a cute little child. Yeah, it made me ME. Life did not stop there though. I so much wished it did. Newton's theory of relativity. Human theory of greed. Insatiable thirst for joy. But life taught me one more lesson, an important one.

So what was it that makes best of friends? I realized this, witnessed it, didn't believe it, but now know that it is true. Adversity. It is what makes best of friends. It generates a bond so strong, makes people so blind, and literally casts a black magic spell on the parties involved. You become friends with someone who shares your likes and dislikes, your habits, your ideas, your thoughts, your feelings, your food, your everything, almost. Many a times you become friends with someone who has nothing of the above. Many a times there is not criteria. However, the realization that someone has been through similar pain, suffering or undesired circumstances in life, makes us more sensitive towards that particular person. This is because, we can share happiness and joy, sadness and grief, but not pain. We can understand, but not feel it. Every person has to face his pain himself. Go through the torture alone. But the thought that someone out there has been through the same shit, makes us more vulnerable towards that person. This is no sympathy thing. But that's how human mind works. That's how we feel. That's how we are. And there's nothing wrong in it. But I brought it up, cause life took the pains to teach me this. And I have learnt it. And I respect it for what and how it is. It's just one of those things, which are right there. I have just started accepting such facts of life. Diversity bonds us together, Adversity bounds our hearts.

"I don't know, my friend, with whom I fight,
But when its you, even this pain feels right!"

NameSake

2007-04-28T04:00:00.000-07:00

April 28th, 2007

If you are an American, you have this unsatisfiable urge, this irresistible itch, and this unstoppable madness to name a child before he/she is born. Its more like a CRM implemented call centre, where the CSR would greet you by your name without asking for it! "John is born!!". If you are an Indian, you wait for some hit movie to release at the time of or after the birth of the baby. Accordingly, you will end up having Vijay, Rahul, Simron & Chameli (my sincere heartfelt condolences!). The bottom line - every thing that comes in this world has a name!

What fascinates me, is that we don't stop here. No way! Well I know your name is Taha, and that helps me identify you. But how do I remember your name always? Well, I will call you Ta, or may be Ha, or may be rhyme you with HaHa. That gives the concept of nicks! That way, Sandeep becomes Sandy, Samantha and Sameer, both become Sam. Well, these are derived nicks. Then we have the concept of descriptive nicks. This is very straight forward too. If someone is fat, call him fatty (motu), is someone's strongly built, call him saand (bull), and if someone's bald, call him Baldi! Then there are the behavioral nicks. These are very upclose, personal and gross! If someone stinks, call him badboo (stink!), someone scratches too much, call him scratch card, and if someone is a farter, call him a silent killer! The self imposed nicks hardly work. Only Nitin calls me "Langda Tyagi", since my last 6 months long advertising effort. These are called objective nicks. People won't call you what you want to be known as. That would be a shameful sin! And then there are these more subjective nicks, that are given to the nick king / queen. These are people with so many different nicks, it makes me wonder why in the first place did anyone bother to name this person! Lastly, there are these names which people don't believe are real names. They are perceived as nicks on the whole. Like again, Taha. That's it? Where's the remaining part of the name? Is that your nick? Is your real name Taharamprasad? Or Tahalal? Tahakar!

So what is with these nicks? Why do I prefer calling people by their nicks? Simple. It's something that is what I relate that person to. Well, God knows what all things will someone associate others with. I know a few people, who were never summoned by their real name. Here, the nick is said to be the dominant on the real name. Its more about people's belief. And if people believe that you are more like a crap-bag, then that be your new name. As long as you with them. But nicks, no matter how ugly, bad, bitter, sweet, symbolize love. They are the evidence of the proximity one feels with you. It shows how much you have parked yourself in the other person's space. It gives you a new identity. When I call someone by his / her nick, it's more like that's my friend, that's how I know him. I do wish that there were nicks in the times of mythology. I mean imagine calling someone Dhritarashtra, or ghatatkoch, or shurpanakha!! I mean Dhiru, would have been way better!

So, for the heck of it, people just love messing up with names. It creates a very funny impact on the listener, especially an outsider. Some times, it can be embarrassing. But come what may, we have to understand, that nicks exist as much in our life, as we ourselves. It gives you different names and calls to respond to. It is more like people have you customized for themselves. Take it any sense, but for name sake, remember who you really are! Stick to that, no matter what.

**bedroom nicks, and nested nicks have not been discussed above. they are beyond the scope of this text.

Your's sincerely,
Loka! ;-)

Murder & Accusations

2007-04-27T07:35:00.000-07:00

April 27th, 2007

Murderer!!
Cold blooded murderer. How many times have you been accused of being that?? Shocked? Murder here, is not the physical murder, but something worse than that. Its the murder of feelings and emotions, of ambitions and aspirations, of dreams and fantasies and of love and friendship. It is a murder of ideas and thoughts, of perceptions and logic, of truth and lies. It is the murder of a relationship, with an animate, or inanimate object. It is a cold blooded murder. You and I, we all are bloody murderers.

In my teens and before, my world used to be my cousins. That's all. I had developed an unbreakable bond with them. I would be with them all the time. And when I am not with them, I would want to be with them all the time. They were my lessons of life, they were lessons of joy and sorrow, and of fun and frown. I failed to see anything or anyone oustide the eleven of us. I would enjoy like crazy with them, and would cry when time came to part with them. Only thing that would take me away from them is mom's promise that she would get me back here. And then the wait for another holiday. But then, I guess I grew up. I guess growing up easliy translates to "killing some bonds" or "uprooting ourselves". Coz that is what happened. As I grew up, I realized that I have altogether sailed off on a very different voyage than my cousins. Forget overlapping, but there was no connection of the path they had chosen, to the one I was travelling on, till miles. I lost them. Or may be, I got rid of them. Things sound rude and cruel. Its just the way of conveying. Whatever the truth is, I had delivered the killer blow. I had committed the murder.

Family and friends are always there to understand. Come what may. Guess I took very unfair advantage of that. I would not contact my follks for months and months. I would miss their birthdays, their weddings, their everything. I had just removed myself from their life. Now here I was, with my new set of friends. Life looking impossible without them, have-to-meet-everyday types, so on so forth. Again, these became my new lessons in life. They taught me so many things. These relationships are like lighthouses, in this stormy and sometimes calm, sea of life. They guide you, show you the direction and you navigate accordingly. And that's what I did. My new light houses showed me ways, and I chose the one which took me nowhere near to be older dear ones, nor any that kept me crusing with the ones I had with me now. The second blow was equally killer. I had sank yet another ship, full of my fellow mates.

Then, when I really started feeling like a lousy psycho path who would just keep on killing relationships and proceed to the peak of self-doom and destruction and leave behind a bloodshed that would make Asoka look like an innocent saint, I realized otherwise. I am not a killer. I have not murdered anyone. Nobody's feelings have been crusaded. No dreams have been destroyed. What I was looking at was from my life's perspective. Everything is very much intact everywhere else. Everybody is happy at their own life. At their own self. And everybody is, living his own life. Sailing on his own voyage. And everybody's route is different. I never changed my route. Or even if I did, it wasn't deviating from anyone. It's just that for sometime, somewhere, my route coincided with someone else's. But we were all moving. We are all moving. We never stop, but only at death. I don't know beyond that. We all live our lives miserably by self. All alone. Its just that, in the journey called life, we always come across many. Some meet and go, some stay back. May be because your path conicides with theirs for eternity. But its all on choice. My own choice, will decide who all I meet. who all I be with, and who all I leave behind. However, whoever will be left behind, will still be very much happily living his own life. So will I.

All that happened is I grew up the ladder,
How I saw it was as a cold blooded murder.

lock-n-key

2007-04-26T23:57:00.000-07:00

April 27th, 2007

Captivity. Self-enforced, or forced upon you by someone else. It is unbearable. Humans are free beings. In every which way. We dislike and condemn captivity as much as we like keeping animals chained in the zoo. Yes. We are free, to take away someone else's freedom. And we do that. After all, this is our world. It's we who decide.

Talking about animals in the zoo, their freedom. No. That is not what this article is about. I condemn that, but the likes of Maneka Gandhi are taking fair enough care about that. I would like to talk about the most endangered species (not in terms of population, we are in-exhaustive that way!), in terms of self-imposed slavery and bondage. I am talking about us. You . Me. In spite of all the gaga over the fact that we are free beings, the "simon-go-backs" and the "main-azaad-hoon" revolutions, what we forget to take into account is, the tendency of many of us, to just bound ourselves in shackles, and happily, never get out of them. Many of us don't even realize this.

Again digressing a bit. Here's a little fact, about elephants. The mammoth animal, so much strength that it would bring a truck down, just like that. However, what do you think keeps these giants bounded to those clumsy chains (with respect to their enormous strength and size)? Why, do you think, wouldn't they break loose? Here's the trick. The same elephant, when young, couldn't break that same chain, because then, it was too strong for it. The very thought, that I could not break it then, creates a perception in it's mind that it cannot break the chain even now. Just a perception.

This, this very perception, keeps this giant quietly tied at the end of the chain. Almost forever. Think about us now. Perceptions. They are bigger than reality, some jerk said. He was partially right. He, and probably we all, have made our perceptions bigger than reality. And we stick onto them. We nurture them, nourish them, make them as strong as possible. And then, we cannot break it. That very perception, is the chain that bounds us. And smart that we are, we have put too many of these chains around us.
"I just can't do it!!".
"Why??".
"I have never done it before, that's why!!".
Okay. Practically, every little minute activity that you ever managed in your span, right from when you were created inside the womb, was sometime done for the first time. Does that ring any bells? Yes. Then what now?? Why can't we face newer challenges now? All we need to do is open up to the fact that even if I think I cannot do it, I know I can atleast try. Try. Atleast.

I will give you my idea of the solution here. The problem is between the mind and the heart, which are always at war. The two people who speak inside your head, which makes your expression like an idiot for the person who's watching you, and who always ensure that you are confused even while deciding which shirt to wear today, are the mind, and the heart. And it's easy to distinguish between them. Ofcourse not by their voice. But by the thought. Whenever you pick up a task, may be something like picking up a pin lying on the floor. Mind is bound to say "Don't you cannot do this. You will be hurt. Your back might break. What if the pin pricks you in the eye!!". And the heart is a person of a few words. He will rather say, "Just do it." or, "Forget about it.". Listen to this man. He cares. He knows. He believes. He is the key. A key to the lock. The lock is the mind. The mind strongly holds together all these perceptions, and locks them up. Open your heart. Just open up. Perceptions are too insignificant, to even come close to reality. Reality is just one thing. We can.

"The one who wins, is simple the one who thinks, HE CAN!!"

Hostelgic!!

2007-04-24T05:32:00.000-07:00

April 24, 2007

Transformation.
From a boy to a man. A girl into a sensuous lady. From sanity to insanity. From a day scholar, to a hostelite!!! Yes, for nearly 6 months of this course, I had this infamous tag of being the "day scholar" of the class. Well, frankly speaking, being a day scholar makes you feel as if you are the guest to this gathering of extraordinary league of men and some amount of women in this course. It somehow kills that feeling of belongingness, in fact, it does not let you belong. As a day scholar, you do a very tough job of balancing two lives at once. The one at the institute, and the other outside it. And by far, there is not even a tiny bit of overlap in these two lives. You have to cater to the problems of both the lives, at once, almost daily. Such are the brave knights who fight their wives at home, just to be barked upon by random people here in the institute. But they carry on. They do it. They still know, that at the end of the day, they can just catch a local (which brings them upclose to the people in the city, literally) go home, and crash. A place where he is what he is. Not a day scholar. Nor a hostelite. He is himself.

Coming over to the life of an hostelite. Well, the institute problems are right there in their face, literally all the time. Infact hostelites eat, drink and sleep with those problems, only to get up with them, the other day. However, they do so, together. Since in the hostel, there's no your life as such. Or, in other words, your life is the aggregation of so many other lives, including those of your friends, your not-so-friendly mates, your faculties, your canteen guys and even some people on the other side of the globe. In the hostel, you learn to be yourself, inspite of the fact that you are almost always with some person or the other, except for a few daily chores, where we have been luckily provided separate places to go. The best part here is, your link is never broken. You are always connected to the institute, the people. You belong. And therefore, eventually, you feel at home.

My decision of shifting over to the hostel did not involve thinking over so many things. It was not a strategic decision. In fact it meant nothing, made no sense, has no sane back up, to call it a decision. It was just a flow of events. May be it was me desire to be the part of action all the time. May be it was my want for a change. May be it was the lust for continuity, or a strong wish to belong. May be because hostel life felt like one long trip that you have decided to take, with people whom you did not even know. You do not know who's who, who would take jokes, who would share food with you, who takes a bath everyday, who washes his hands .... who does what and what not. The likes, dislikes, the habits, personalities, thinking, everything is unknown. All you know is, you belong here, till the course ends. May be, the challenge of just pushing yourself into the unknown, or the thirst to learn so much new, I don't know till date, what got me here.

Now that I am here, I realize that I have not changed a bit. I, as I was, have completely diluted in this mix. Now, as I look at this one-big-family, I picture it as streams of different shades which have converged at this point in time. But still, every color is as much visible as individually. That perhaps, is the magic. You become one of them, but you are still one. My experience so far has been breath taking. So much that I love my new home as much as the one in which I grew up for 21 years of my life. I, feel I belong in this place, and in a way I am indebted to it. I have come across people who I thought never existed, or probably existed on some other planet. People who are good for nothing. I have come across Godly creatures too. But so far, no one has turned up to be as evil as me.

My ride here has just begun. And somehow, I dont want this to reach an end. I like the continuity of it .....

And someday, when I will at some different place, doing something way different, with different people and a different me, I would think of these days, and the upcoming ones, and feel Hostelgic!!

Cheers!

Mal-goody Days!!

2007-04-23T07:12:00.000-07:00

April 23, 2007

Statistics prove, that the busiest and the most visited lane in the world, is by far the "memory lane". I believe this. And it so happened that I was going down the same lane. That's when it stuck me, that I have been here so many times, every now and then, whenever I needed to be with myself. This place is so familiar. It is so dear. It is something that is only mine! It is the only thing that exclusively belongs to me.

This is one place that helps me re-live my life. As time is passing by, I sometimes sit and wonder, that I am losing everything. I will be missing all this in the future. I want to be a kid all the time. Then, I want to be a teenager all the time. It goes on and on. But cruelly, unnervingly, and sometimes painfully, I have moved on. I keep on moving forward in life. I like all that is new. I love when I anticipate something great. I want it. So what happened to my "I-was-like", which I was suppose to miss so much? It is there, in my memory lane. It would remain there, as long as I can remember it, eventually, to be replaced with an older version of it, younger, memory wise!

Why do we need this? Why should I reflect on my past, or even think about how I was? Why and how do I care, about what had happened? It has happened. And it has gone. Hasn't it? Well, in this fast paced world, or rather slow-to-adapt mind, I am bound to get lost sometime or the other. I am bound to reach a dead end. I am bound to take a wrong turn. Then what? In these lost times, disturbed times, you need an anchor to hold on to. That anchor, is the memory lane. It is that known address, where you are never lost. Been-there-done-that kind of a thing. This memory lane is my direction board. It is my bookmark. It guides me, somehow.

We have all kind of shops in this memory lane. We have sad shops, happy shops, angry shops, and ocourse bitter-sweet shops. All these serve some purpose, being there. They are my roots. They keep my feet grounded. If I am sad now, I reflect on my happier times. I feel that euphoria, when I was with someone and now I am not, or I had something which now I have lost and so on. It makes me smile now, in grief or adversity. And in cases when I am very happy and excited, some of the things from this lane catch me from going overboard with the excitement. Something tells me how I was without this what I have now, and how hard I worked to achieve it, or how difficult times would be if I lost this. This memory lane is my guardian. It watches me closely all the time, keeps me on the track.

Still I know I would lose control someday. Or may be, I would just realize that I was never in control. No matter what, I would drive down this memory lane, and re-live perhaps the best times of my life.

Lastly, those who believe in God, always say that pray to God in sad times, but thank him for the happier times. Well, I believe in my memory lane. And I would go down there, in sickness, and in health. In good times, as well as in not-so-good times. And I know I would come across you too.

So much for the Malgoody days!!!

Home-Sick-Home

2007-04-22T23:36:00.000-07:00

April 23, 2007

Isn't it true, that a bird has to learn to fly? Isn't it true that humans need to be taught how to walk? And then, isn't it true, bitterly, that birds learn to fly but to return to their nest before dusk, but not so with humans?

Call it irony of life, call it it's misery, or just accept it as life itself. But it is true. When parents teach their children to walk and run, does this thought even cross their mind that this child will walk only away from them in the future. These little shaky footsteps now reach out to them with tiny little fingers trying to hold on tight for support. But, a few years down the line, this support won't be needed. That's fine. But more often than not, this support will be forgotten. Just like that.

Call it new age philosophy, call it a new generation culture, I say it is as old of an excuse as it could get. An excuse to hide our incompetency as a responsible child. An excuse to hide the acknowledgement of the fact that we owe so much to our parents. An excuse of being their child. Taking our parents for granted, assuming that they are always happy, no matter what you do, and turning a blind-eye-deaf-ear kind of thing, when their problems are spoken about, this is us.
This is me.

Well, though I have painted it evil, this happens as naturally as again, life itself. A mother shark disowns her babies as soon as she gives birth to them. Our mothers would never disown us like that. (Exceptions!) We, are not supposed to disown them, for any reason whatsoever. (Too many exceptions!!). However, what I am talking about is the very fundamental core of life.
Life, as we talk about, is my life when I speak about it, your's when you talk about it. Life is an individual's life. And this is an individualistic society, the world as a whole. Its every person for himself.

We meet someone, we may like him/her, and we give that relationship a name, friend. We would do anything for them, but how far? As far as it makes us happy. And remember, the reason I brought up this point is, that friends are whom we choose, parents don't choose us, nor do we choose our parents (exceptions!). So, with so many individual lives around, what bonding and emotions are we talking about?

Well, these are those very emotions which are a part of us but for our parents. We owe our personality, our habits, our likes and dislikes to them. Our existence. And more importantly, their support in the times when you needed it badly. You need them to teach you how to walk, talk, live. Then, the least we can do is reserve the good words for them, no matter where our feet take us, keep our hearts to them, and no matter how much ever you are involved in your own life, atleast keep a thought for them.

***I do not mean to generalize this thought, I do not mean to hurt anyone. I am not saying this is always true. But for those few cases where this exists, I want you to put a thought to this. My sincere apologies, if I offend anyone. ***

MIghTians, what is your profession??

2007-04-21T11:16:00.000-07:00

April 20, 2007

This day goes down into the history of heroism. It shall be remembered as the day, when 63 MIghTians stripped themselves naked, in front of a foreigner.

Well, we had an amazing week before that, didn't we? Who would doubt that?
Wonderful suit-cladded presentations, outstanding remarks, and well, the opportunity to see off the one last of the famed VT faculties. An entire year went by, with us working our ass off to impress these people. Rather than a career transformation, it was more like a temporary, fake personality transformation, where every person got into the act well, and jelled as if we had all the script planned. We were on the stage, and we performed so well that the applause went on for almost the entire year, and it is still echoing in the campus. I guess we won ourselves an Oscar (hmm...), for that.

However, as Prof. Oscar (hmm....) always mentions that the closing of everything is as important as the opening ( I remember this since it was explained with a very practically relevant example!!), I feel the Mighty batch of SPJIMR could not just end the act properly.
In fact, we ended it exactly the way we would have not wanted to end it. As one might wonder, what might have gone wrong, in such a flawless act of smartness, of maturity and of being the most elite batch on the campus?

Well, the very fact that all this was just an act. A mask. A fake ID. A blasphemy. How long was this act supposed to last? Well if you ask me, a couple of hours more would have been ideal. Just 120 minutes more. And we would have hit the jackpot, rescued the heroine from the clutches of the villain, and would have lived really happy ever after ..... or would we?

A batch with diverse people, diverse backgrounds, diverse intelligence, but definitely united dumbness and an attitude that would not even help them sell porn in this city, is what we have here. These are the very people who have gone across national boundaries, regional boundaries, etc., have won, and made us proud. These are the people who have somehow hold the PGDM-SM-MIT flag fly high in the institute. These are the very people, my mom expects me to learn a lot from. These, are a disgrace. I am a disgrace. We, are a disgrace.

Not to the institute, not for what "the" heart-soul-brain of this course had to say in the class today. But because it was an act that had no reasoning. It had no base. No sense. No relevance to sane behavior of any kind. I mean, a 4 year old now-a-days knows that he has not suppose to pee on the bed, when he is at a different place. How hard is it for us then?

Why would we take our so called "ever-pinching-always-itching-pain-in-the-butt" kind of problems to this guy from VT? What were we thinking? Were we thinking? Then again, what were we thinking? I might be very unjustified here, when I make these remarks, but you tell me, or rather convince me, that when you think you have a problem (you are not even sure about it!), you would talk to your mom-n-dad, your brother, your friends ..... or rather the person who should not know that you have these problems? I hope no body picks the last option, please don't. We proud MIghTians shall pick it.

Because we took an oath on the first day, a pledge to become "the" batch of SPJIMR. And we are doing all it takes to do that. Literally.

All I feel is, let go off all that chamki that we have put on oursleves, let go off the lime-light that we have put ourselves in, and bloody let go off this desperate manouvers to grab attention, and understand that cut throat competition, is not to be taken literally, that even dogs can bark, but only dogs make sense out of it, and last but not the least, when we are trying to shoulder a responsibility, atleast make an effort to allign those shoulders. I don't think today, these 63 shoulders put together, are even capable of carrying a person on his last ride.

So, MIghTians, what is your profession?